Harvest Moon: How to Handle Life
by Amber Glow
Summary: Harvest Moon: It's a Wonderful Life, had it all wrong. Watch what REALLY happened when a young boy moves to a farm in Forget-Me-Not Valley. (Please R&R!)
1. The Farm He Didn't Want

**Harvest Moon: How to Handle Life**

**Chapter One: The Farm He Didn't Want**

"…so yeah, this here farm is your. I don't want it, your father didn't want it, and now that he's dead you can do whatever you want with it." Takakura said, slapping his huge dark hand against the back of a pleasant looking city boy with brown hair and eyes.

The boy shoved Takakura's hand away. "Look, I don't want ANYTHING to do with farming. I barely kept my fish alive for a day! I have this knack, you see…for killing innocent things…now you want me to run a farm!"

"Look, Sky, I don't frankly care! Now your father entrusted this farm to _you_. Are you going to let him down?"

Sky shrugged and nodded his head up and down.

Suddenly Takakura shoved Sky with his hands, causing Sky to topple over the small fence and into the tall grass, narrowly missing cow manure. Sky managed to get a good whiff of the strange substance before standing on his feet. "Cow dung! What the heck is cow dung doing here? I thought there weren't any animals on this farm!"

Takakura smiled deviously and motioned for Sky to follow him. He opened the doors to a small barn and found that a large black-and-white spotted cow tied up to a post, eating hay.

"HOLY COW!" Sky cried.

"Well, I don't know about 'holy' but…this here is your cow! Thought I'd give you a nice 'welcome to the farm life' present. C'mon, you should give her a name." Takakura said, petting the cow.

Sky thought for a moment. "Hmm…how about…Dung! Yeah! Dung is an awesome name!"

Takakura rolled his eyes. "I don't reckon she'll appreciate a name like that. So I'll name her Betsy. Betsy the cow!"

"Betsy! BETSY! What type of name is _that_? You hare a very bad name-giver." Sky said teasingly.

Takakura sighed and led Sky outside. He began to show Sky each part of the farm. "This here is your Chicken coop. I like to call it the Instant Egg-o-maker! Just stick a chicken in and out comes the egg!"

"Well, at least I'll have plenty of chicken. I didn't see a Kentucky Fried Chicken Restaurant out here, I thought I was going to die." Sky said.

Takakura then led him to a metal building. "This here has a refrigerator for your food. You can store eggs and milk in here. See the little clipboard there? Just write what you want to buy and sell and I'll get it to you. You had better be grateful too, because I have to get my behind out of bed in the morning every day just for you!"

"Well, thank you." Sky muttered.

Finally done, Takakura led Sky to a small, quaint house at the edge of the farm. It seemed large enough, and was made out of oak wood. "Cool, is that my house!" Sky exclaimed.

"No! That is _my _house." Takakura said, then turned Sky's head around. "_That _is your house."

Before Sky was the sorriest looking shack he had ever. It looked ready to fall apart, and had a metal plate for a roof. Inside was only one room, and it had a simple kitchen, simple television, and a simple bed with a simple pillow on top.

"This is simply ridiculous!" Sky said.

"Oh, don't worry! Give it a few years, you can add on stuff once you get enough money."

"Any how much money do I have now?" Sky asked eagerly.

"None."

Sky kicked the ground angrily.

Suddenly, as they were walking outside the shack, too dogs mauled Sky over.

"Wonder were they came from. Must be strays." Takakura muttered.

"They attacked me! OUCH!" Sky cried as one of the dogs bit his shoe.

"Ah, there just playin'! You should keep one!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"No!"

"YES!"

"No!"

"Yes, or I shall kill you." Takakura said.

Sky kicked the dirt again. "Fine. But which one?"

"Pick."

One dog was lovable and adorable, with long floppy ears and a small tail. The other was a massive dog, with pointed ears and sharp teeth. Both were orange and white.

"I want the adorable floppy-eared one!" Sky said.

"Really?"

"Heck no! I'll take the pointy-eared one. He is way cooler than the floppy one."

Takakura sighed and picked up the adorable dog. "Fine, then I'll find this one a nice home. What are you going to name the one you have?"

"Hmm…I know! Ripper!" Sky cried, and the dog barked in approval.

"No, no, no! That won't do. Let's name it Bob!"

"You seriously need to work on your names." Sky said again.

"Fine, name it Ripper. C'mon, let's go show you around to the rest of the people in Forget-Me-Not Valley."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about the others."

Sky felt like a show dog as Takakura showed him to all of his new neighbors. One of them, a huge vegetable farmer with curly red hair named Vesta. She nearly broke Sky's back as she embraced him into a hug. In the background, a young girl with long brown hair named Celia waved at Sky shyly. "Hi, Sky! Hey, that rhymes!" Celia giggled.

Sky thought she was a bit weird. Celia kept muttering to herself during their visit and Sky was glad to leave.

Next they went to the Blue Bar, where they met a guy named Griffon and a girl named Muffy. Muffy had blonde hair and blue eyes, and she wore a red dress. As soon as Sky approached, Muffy went and nearly knocked Sky over as she punched him in the arm. "Ha! You got that dopey old farm on the hill!" She laughed.

"Muffy, be nice!" Griffon said.

"Yeah, okay. Hello, Sky." Muffy said and extended her hand to Sky. Sky hesitated a bit and then shook her hand. Suddenly a wave of electricity was sent through Sky, nearly turning him into a piece of bacon.

Muffy laughed and went into the other room.

Then they proceeded to go to the inn, where they met Tim and Ruby, the owners of the inn, and their son Rock. They didn't get much of a greeting, though, for there was a huge crisis at the inn when they arrived.

"Put it out! Put it out!" Someone cried from inside. Sky noticed some smoke rising out of the window. Takakura led him inside and Sky saw that a wooden table was on fire, and Ruby was trying to get it out. Hidden in the shadows, a girl with bright red hair and traveling clothes was laughing silently.

Finally they doused the fire and introduced themselves. "And this is Nami." Ruby said, pointing to the red-haired girl. "She…uhh…likes to make fires, you see. Fires happen all the time around here."

Nami laughed.

_Girls, _Sky declared to himself, _are weird._

They proceeded to meet everyone else in the town including: a mad scientist, a huge man who liked to make strange art, a woman who had too many cats and a man with a strange pointed green hat who wouldn't stop singing.

"Well, good luck." Takakura said finally, stopping in front of his home.

"Hey, wait! What do you mean, good luck?"

"I mean that you're on your own now. I might help you occasionally, but this farm is now yours. And like I said, good luck. You'll need it." Takakura began to walk inside his house, and then stopped. "By the way, what exactly is the name of this farm?"

"Do I have to name _everything_?" Sky complained.

"Would you like me to do it?"

"NO!" Sky said immediately, then thought for a moment. "Hey, I know! I'll name it, Sky Farm!"

Takakura snorted. "And you thought I was bad at naming." He slammed the door behind him.

Life on this farm would be interesting.


	2. Animal Problems

**Chapter Two: Animal Problems **

First day of farm life…dull.

Second day…dull.

Third day…even duller.

Who knew owning an entire farm could be so boring?

Sky fanned himself in the heat as he went into the chicken coop where five puny chickens lay. Out of the five, one was male. The four females somehow only managed to produce three eggs.

"I should fire you." Sky said to the fourth chicken, who clucked and ran for it's pathetic life.

Sky held two of the eggs.

"I hold your life in my hands." Sky said in a deep Transylvanian accent. "Shall you die, or live?" He looked at the two eggs and shrugged his shoulders. "Die. I'm hungry." He took all three eggs and headed towards the metal building. As he left, the chickens clucked at him angrily.

"Dude, it's called the food chain. I eat you, the chicken, and I eat your babies too." He said and left with the eggs. He shoved them into the metal building and wrote down what he wanted to do. (By the way, this was nearly 5am in the morning. He never got much sleep on the wooden board that was called a bed.) He was tired, and decided to go and see Betsy. (Who he hadn't seen since that day with Takakura.) Unfortunately, he managed to forget his turn and went straight into the tool shed.

Yawning, Sky blinked to see where he was. Suddenly his eyes went wide.

"Pretty…pointy…things…" Sky said, his heart full of happiness. He was surrounded by many sharp things, some where even hanging from the ceiling. No wonder Takakura hadn't let him in. Sky used extreme stealth as he approached the pointiest knife of them all. Making sure to disarm the carefully set security system and narrowly dodging some lasers, Sky grabbed the knife and shoved it into his pocket. He then triumphantly went into the barn.

"MOOOOOOOOOO!" Betsy cried as soon as she saw Sky. He noticed that there was dung surrounding her, and spiders climbing around in her food bin.

"Yeah, yeah, quit complaining. I'm here already."

"What took you so long?" Betsy asked.

"I was busy! I had other very important things to do."

"What things? I am very hungry."

"Hey, it was top secret things! You understand, I'd have to kill you after I told you and…HEY I'M TALKING TO A FREAKING COW!"

"MOOOO." Betsy complained.

"Well, according to Takakura I can make big bucks by selling your milk. So…" Sky approached Betsy's udder. He crouched down and examined it. "So…yeah…I just pull this thing and…" He pulled at it, and suddenly milk squirted into his face.

"UG! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Sky yelled, wiping his face.

"That's what you get for leaving me in here." Betsy said.

"Hey, I'm done talking to you, cow."

Like walking through a mine field, Sky once again approached Betsy and carefully squeezed her udder. He eventually devised a tactic using a robe, hay, and glue that allowed the milk to squirt into a can and magically turn into a milk glass. Exhausted, Sky looked at his reward. He had four milk glasses filled.

"Four! That's all I get, after all that hard work! I'm going to starve to death! Become a homeless guy with no arms or legs, and it's all because of you!" Sky slapped Betsy's rear. As a result, Betsy reared up her hind legs and kicked him, causing him to fly against the opposite wall.

"Why you little—" He paused, suddenly realizing something. "Hey, you're a cow!" He exclaimed.

"Duh." Betsy said.

"That means that I can send you to a slaughter house to become a nice steak!" He jumped up with glee that he would not die of starvation, or become a homeless man with no arms or legs.

"Moo!" Complained Betsy.

"Ah, don't worry, I'll save you for later. I've got enough chickens to last me a lifetime. Now, I am going to go into town." This would be the first time he went to town. For one thing, the town was all the way _down _a ridiculously annoying hill. Plus, the town folk were scary.

Finally reaching the 'town', Sky decided to explore for a bit. He decided to let his feet take control. He had long learned to master the art of having his brain shut down and let his feet take him where to go. Most of the time people failed at this task and often fell off cliffs, but not Sky. He was the master.

He ended up at a mansion on top of another ridiculously annoying hill. Inside he could hear the sound of a piano playing. Curious, Sky crept inside the mansion.

"_Meroooowwww!" _Suddenly, Sky was mauled over by a ferocious kitty!

"Ow! Ow! GET IT OFF ME! HELP! HELP! CALL THE AMBULANCE! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Sky finally managed to kick the cat with his foot and sent it flying through the air, but not before his clothes were reduced to tattered ruins and his face was scratched like he had just jumped into a thorn bush.

The piano music stopped, and a girl came running over too him. The girl had light brown hair and bright brown eyes. She would have been cute if she was a little older, she looked half Sky's age.

"I'm sorry. Kill does that a lot."

"Kill? Is that the cat's name?"

"Yeah, Romana named it. I'm Lumina." The girl looked at his scratches. "Oh dear, here, let me help you!" She said and instantly ran off into the kitchen.

"Hmph! I don't need some kid's help. I can handle myself." Sky complained, only to get up and feel as if his entire body was put into a microwave oven. He sat back down and cursed in several different ways. When Lumina returned, Sky had run out of very dirty words to say.

"I'm sorry if it hurts. Normally Kill is very friendly."

"Then why the heck is it called _Kill_?"

"It's short for Linkillia." Lumina said, as if it were obvious. "So your Sky, right, the crazed boy who lives on the old farm?"

"HEY, I'M NOT CRAZED!" Sky shouted, then reconsidered it. "Well, maybe I am. But aren't we all these days?"

"True. Like that pet crab Sebastian keeps." Lumina muttered. She began to bandage all of Sky's cuts, which was a very unpleasant process. Sky swore that people halfway across the world could hear his shouts.

Sky noticed that a crowd of cats had surrounded them during this process. All of them were hissing and fighting each other while watching Lumina. It was like a mini cat-war going on. Lumina seemed to not notice a thing, although more than once she had ducked as a cat jumped over her head.

"Are all theses yours?" Sky asked.

"No, I'm allergic to cats. Theses are Romana's."

"How can you live in a house full of cats if you're allergic?"

"I learned to not breathe a long time ago. There, all done!" Lumina said, and Sky stood up and flexed his muscles. He felt no pain, he was invincible, he was Superman, he was.

Suddenly Kill jumped up and hissed, flying straight towards him. Screaming like a little girl, Sky ran as hard as he could and hid under his bed back at the farm.


	3. Small Elves, Big Problems

**Chapter Three: Little Elves, Big Problems **

There was a knock on Sky's door the following morning. Groaning, Sky felt a large pain on his spine. Getting out of the wooden-board-called-a-bed he reached around his back and plucked a nail off him.

"Ouch. Sleeping on wood should be…like…illegal!" He muttered.

The knocks continued. Sky hurried over to the door and opened it before the entire shack fell down.

Before him stood Celia. "Hi, Sky! I like rhymes." She said, blushing a little bit as Sky stared at her. "Uhh…can I help you?"

"No, but I can help you. I'm here representing…myself! To sell you some beautiful cabbages and carrots. Please, take your pick." She held up a basket full of vegetables.

"Uhh…sure…I'll have some carrots." He reached his hand out for the basket, but Celia suddenly held it away. "Oh no, these are _my _vegetables. You can have the seeds." She looked down at the basket, and began to mutter to herself. "Right, he wants seeds. Seeds are good, yes." She looked up at him and smiled sweetly. "Here are your seeds. Have a nice day. It was nice seeing you." Then Celia turned around and literally ran right out off the farm.

Sky looked at the seeds in his hands, then back at Celia. "What the heck am I supposed to do with these?" He shouted, waving his hand in the air. To his satisfaction, he managed to scare away every single bird within miles.

Sighing, Sky figured he might as well get up and go back to work. Being on a farm, his work was 24-7. No breaks for him, none at all, what did he do to deserve this?

He passed through the barn and out into the open dung-filled field. Sky took the pointy knife out of his pocket, which was actually called a scythe. Holding it up, he began to kill the grass.

_Swish, swish, swish, _more grass fell to the ground.

"This is fun!" Sky said, and he proceeded to kill every single blade of grass he could see. While he was at it, he started to do designs. Soon he had a large ancient Egyptian hieroglyph in his yard. By killing the grass at the exact angle, in a certain design, he could become an artist.

Sky looked at the huge piles of dead grass that lay behind him. A little light bulb appeared on top of Sky's head and he began to gather all the grass and shoved it into a small storage place in the barn. Then he took another small pile and threw it in Betsy's food bin.

"Thanks a lot. Moo." Betsy said, swishing her tail back and forth.

"Hey, I have fun, you get food, everyone wins." He said, wiping off his head and heading back outside.

He decided to take the rest of the day off and go to town. He began his long and perilous hike down the merciless and annoying hill and made his way to the Blue Bar.

Inside, Griffin was cleaning some glasses and the strange man with a pointy green hat was inside.

"Hey guys." Sky said as he sat down.

"Hello there, Sky, the beauty of today shines upon us." The man (who had the weird name of Gustafa) said in a sing-song voice.

"Hey, Sky, what can I do for you today?" Griffin asked.

"Just hand me a drink." Sky said, slouching down on the table.

As he was on his second glass, Muffy came down from her room.

"Hey! It's the dopey farm boy!" She said and laughed.

"I'm not DOPEY!" Sky yelled.

"Prove it."

Sky stood up and showed off his manly muscles. "I plow fields, milk cows, and own a motorcycle." He said very cool-like.

"Yep, like I said, dopey." Muffy said, folding her arms.

"Then how can I _not _be dopey."

"A real man likes flowers! Just like a real woman!" Muffy said.

"I like flowers!" Sky immediately said.

"Sure you do. And so I supposed the stomped on, ripped up, and trampled flowers in front of your farm _are not _yours?" She said.

Sky was furious. No one was supposed to know about that!

"Well, when you get to become a real man, let me know and I'll give you a free dinner here at the bar." Muffy said and left.

He stayed at the bar for quite a few hours, and then walked over and kicked rocks at the giant turtle in the pond until dusk came. He was stupid, and forgot to bring a flashlight. So, with the little light he had, he made his way back up to his farm.

As he was at the entrance to his farm, he heard voices.

"Hey, there he is!"

"Ah, he's little like us!"

"Should we kill him?"

"No, let's help him!"

Sky paused, not moving. "Ah! There are voices in my head!" He hit himself on the skull, trying to get the voices out.

"No, stupid! We're below you."

Sky looked down at his feet and saw three little people. They had pointy ears and strange clothes.

"Ohh! Elves! From the North Pole, right?"

"Wrong!" One of them said. "Were do people come up with this stuff! Allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Nik…"

"I'm Nak!"

"And I'm Flak!"

"We're Harvest Sprites!" Nik said.

"Harvest…WHAT? You guys look like elves to me." Said Sky.

"Well we aren't, get that through your think skull! We are Harvest Sprites. We were just minding our own business we looked at your farm. I have to admit, I have never seen such a sorrier sight. It was so depressingly pathetic, that we had to look away."

"Hey! That's my farm you're talking about!" Sky said, defending his pathetic farm.

"That's our point. This can't go on. Your farm is a disgrace to this entire valley!" Nik said.

"Normally we would send a tornado to wipe your farm off the face of the earth, but instead we are forgiving and we are going to help you." Flak said.

"Well, thanks a lot."

"But in order for this to work, you have to work with us!" Nak said.

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Good, now take this." Nik said. All three of them pushed a feather towards Sky's feet. The feather was nearly three times there size, and was pure blue.

"What is this?" asked Sky, picking the feather up.

"It is a Blue Feather!" Flak said.

"Give it to a girl…"

"And it will be like proposing!" Nak finished.

"Proposing…to a _girl_? Eww!"

"Look, in order to save your farm you have to marry a girl, and within a year." Nik said.

"But…I don't want to!" Sky said, throwing the feather down.

"Would you prefer the alternative?" Nik said, his eyes suddenly glowing red.

Sky immediately picked up the feather again. "Okay, okay, so I have to marry someone. As disgusting as this sounds, who am I supposed to marry?"

"According to our calculations, you can marry either Nami, Celia, or Muffy."

"But those are the ugliest girls in the town!"

"Well, you aren't a pretty sight either." Flak commented.

"Hey, stop giving me flak!"

"I don't think you understand, Sky." Nik said, taking a step forward.

"If you do not do this, you will die. We will hunt you down. You can hide, but we will find you. You can run, but we will beat you. We do not show mercy, we do not show pity or remorse, we—"

"Whoa, whoa! Okay! I get the picture! No need to get violent!" Sky said, taking a step backward. He could not move his eyes away from their miniature bodies.

"I'm glad you understand." Nik said, retreating a bit.

"Well, our job is done. Let's go shoot ourselves out of a volcano!" Nak said.

"Yeah!" Flak said.

Suddenly the wind picked up and a small dust devil appeared. Nik, Nak, and Flak, jumped into the dust devil and disappeared.

Sky picked up the Blue Feather. "That was really weird." He muttered.


	4. No Use Running

**Chapter Four: No Use Running**

"I am NOT marrying some psychopathic, ugly girl!" Sky said the very next morning. Afternoon, really, he had decided that there was absolutely no point in getting up at 5 a.m. in the morning. All last night after the encounter of the little elves he had pondered on what to do. One thing was for sure, he was not going to marry some girl. He was probably grow all old and ugly and his 'wife' would probably divorce him, leaving an ugly son who just got out of jail and planned to kill his father. Yep, that would be his life.

He had to make sure that didn't happen.

He got up and packed up a backpack full of essential items. (Money, sunglasses, radio, the important stuff.) and he threw it on his motorcycle-that-did not-exist.

"I'm outta here." Sky declared, and he left the farm.

He passed Celia's farm in a stomp, and caused Vesta to look at him with curiosity for a moment. As he walked, he also got a glimpse of Celia. She was sitting on the dirt, apparently talking to a carrot with a face drawn on it in marker. _Definitely need to get out of here. _

Finally he reached the exit to Forget-Me-Not-Valley. Before him was a road leading up another ridiculously long and annoying hill. He glanced down at the town one more time before stepping out onto the path.

_Smack! _He ran straight into the wall.

He flew onto the ground, his backpack flying over him. Sky began his series of very dirty words (he had alphabetized them last night) and blinked his eyes. He stood up and pressed his hand against the air and felt a solid wall.

"It's a GHOST! AHHH! I WANT MY MOMMY!" He screamed and ran to the nearest bush and hid. He hid there for at least a half hour and nothing happened. Finally, he took off his shoe and touched the invisible thing with his toe. He immediately recoiled, the wall was still there.

"It's an invisible wall! Hey! It's blocking my exit!" He kicked the wall with his foot, and as a result a giant pain shot into his toes. He yelped and hopped on one foot, clutching his foot. He then proceeded to punch the invisible wall with his incredibly strong fists. He looked like a regular boxing champion as he pounded on the wall.

Still, the wall did not move.

"What's the big idea!" He yelled. "I bet you're not such a tough wall! You just stand there, with apparently no reaction to my mighty attack! I bet your just a chicken, you probably are actually very weak. Yep, a regular weakling." Said Sky, insulting the wall.

The wall was still there.

Sky began his long list of very dirty words again. Last time he only made it to H, but he reached all the way to S before stopping. He turned around and found Takakura behind him.

"Umm…would you mind getting out of the way?" Takakura asked calmly.

"What's the point! This stupid wall is in everyone's way!" Sky said, pointing to the invisible wall.

Takakura laughed, and his laugh somehow reminded Sky of a glass of orange juice. Takakura laughed so hard that he was rolling on the floor. Sky watched him for sometime before Takakura wiped his mouth and said, "Son, you aren't going anywhere, any time soon, without a pass."

"A pass?"

"Yep, got'em right here." He took to little cards out of his pocket. In big purple letters the word _GBA Link_. One of them had Takakura's name on it, but the other was blank.

"What the heck is it?" asked Sky.

"This is our ticket to freedom. Almost everyone in town has one. Without it, you can't get pass the barrier and you are stuck in Forget-Me-Not-Valley forever."

Sky made an attempt to grab it out of Takakura's hand, but Takakura managed to get it out of his reach. "No way, sonny, you aren't getting one."

"But you have an extra one! Give it to me!" Sky gave a puppy dog pout, "Please?"

"I have an extra one, really?" He looked at the extra card in his hand. In a single movement, he ripped it in half, then into fourths.

Sky's mouth was open. His ticket to freedom, gone in a second. "But…but I need a pass!"

"Don't you know it's illegal to carry an extra pass around? Thanks for telling me."

"But…if no one has an extra pass, then how do I get one?"

"That's your problem. Well, I'm off to Mineral Town, see ya." And Takakura went right pass the invisible wall.

Sky was ready, though. Just a second after Takakura passed, he went to full speed and ran right after Takakura.

And straight into the wall.

"YOU STUPID, PATHETIC WALL! I'LL KILL YOU!" Then he revealed his hidden sharp knife (called a scythe) and leaped in the air. The scythe shined in the afternoon sunlight and time seemed to stand still for a moment as he struck the wall.

There was a great impact, and a ferocious wind came out of nowhere. In a flash of brilliant white light, the wall vaporized into thin air. Sky stood proudly, unharmed, on the ground and held his scythe in the air. Victory was his.

…

…

…

Actually, all that happened was Sky landing face-first on the ground and the scythe falling in a tree. Sky looked up and spit dirt out of his mouth and nose.

Sky then climbed the tree and tried to reach his scythe. Unfortunately, the tree also happened to be the nest of the Killer Eagle, and eagle that kills all life forms in the area. Sky did not notice the dead squirrels, mice, and crows on the ground before it was too late.

_Caw! Caw! _

The sound of death echoed throughout Forget-Me-Not Valley. Sky was just reaching for the scythe when the Killer Eagle pecked him on the head. The eagle did this repeatedly until Sky was forced to retreat.

Now on the ground, Sky looked up at the Killer Eagle and the scythe right next to it.

"Well, let's send in the Marines." Sky muttered. He tried again, and failed. Then he tried once more, and failed. Finally he had a large lump on his head, two black eyes, and a bruised shoulder. He stomped the ground angrily and began to head back to the farm, disappointed.

Then he turned around, and saw the scythe glitter in the sun. Memories stirred in his head of all the good times they had together. Not only that, but the scythe was so…pointy…and…shiny.

Sky had a plan.

Sky went over to the mad scientist's house and knocked on the door.

"Go away." A voice said inside, Sky walked through the door.

Daryl was the typical mad genius. He had frizzy black hair and wore a tattered lab coat. On the coat was the picture of a pink bunny with flowers. This picture was stamped over every vial in the laboratory, and all over the walls.

"Is there something I can't help you with?" The scientist said, his eyes focusing on Sky with great intensity.

"Yeah, I need you to fry a bird with lightning." Said Sky.

"I don't know anything about lightning. I can't do it." Daryl said and went over to a large strange contraption.

"I knew you would. Can you do it right now?"

"I won't be able to do it within the next few minutes."

"Awesome, thanks. The bird is this Killer Eagle and the eagle is like…killer! What are you going to do?"

"I don't know anything about a Killer Eagle. If I did, I certainly would not summon a great storm using a lighting collector and zap the eagle to little bits."

"Okay, so do you need any help?"

"I do need help."

"Alright, well, I'll meet you there." Sky said and left.

Five minutes later, Daryl came walking up the hill with a strange contraption with many strange things on it. For some reason, Sky was drawn to a large red button in the center. It said 'Do Not Push'.

"Should I push it?" Sky asked Daryl.

Daryl shook his head. "You do not push it." Then, taking aim, he pushed the button.

Instantly lightning flashed across the sky (and Sky could see it even in the middle of the day.) There was a rush of wind as the Killer Eagle was killed and fell on the ground.

"Thanks a bunch, Daryl."

"You are not welcome. Hello." Daryl said and left.

Sky grabbed the beautiful scythe along with his backpack. With a sigh, he looked once more at his path to freedom and then grumpily went back to the farm.


	5. Why there is Smoke

**Chapter Five: Why There is Smoke **

_He was running, running…the chicken…it was after him…he had to run away. _

_Suddenly some little elves with red eyes appeared in front of him, blocking his path. "You cannot run, you cannot hide. There is no escape" The tiniest elf said. _

_"And we're Harvest Sprites!" another one said. _

_He turned and ran in the other direction, and he was surrounded in mist. In the mist he saw Celia's face. "Hi, Sky!" She said, then Muffy appeared, "You're dopey." She said, and Sky ran again. After a few seconds, he heard Nami's laughter. _

_He ran into an invisible wall… _

And woke up.

Yelling, he got up and rubbed his sore behind. "THIS WOOD-SLEEPING THING HAS GOT TO STOP!" He screamed.

The wooden bed gave an innocent face.

"You just gave me one of the weirdest dreams in the world, you understand?" Sky asked, not expecting an answer. He got up and turned on the TV.

"Weather for today is partly cloudy with a sudden appearance of small dust devils…"

He turned the channel.

"Today is definitely a day to play in the sunshine, so says our Horoscope…"

He changed it again.

"To plant this seed, just put it in the dirt and…"

He turned off the TV. Apparently farms don't get many channels. He sighed and got dressed, prepared to go into town again. Suddenly a thought occurred to him. The inn! Of course! He could rent a room at the inn, and watch the TV in there! The plan was perfect, ingenious! He be a very smart person.

His plan set, he got out and milked Betsy, threw the bottles into the storage room, went to the chickens, stole their babies, threw the baby eggs in the storage, and then headed into town.

Inside the inn, Ruby was happily cooking some meals and her husband was at the counter. Sky checked and made sure there were no strange fires in the building before walking in and setting down two dollars.

"One room please." He said.

Tim looked at the two small dollar bills. "What are those?" He asked.

"It's money! From the city!" Sky said proudly.

"Never seen it before, get me some real money."

"But this is real money!"

"Not it isn't! Look at it, that is the most pathetic money I have ever seen!"

"Fine, then get me a room for free!" Sky said impatiently.

"Why do you need a room? You have a farm!"

"Yeah but my farm sucks, and I need a good TV."

Tim thought for a moment. "Alright, how about this. Go into Nami's room, she should be there right now. She's got a fine TV. Tell her I said you could watch it."

Sky's hearts raced. The little voices started talking to him again. _"Nami is one of the Three…" _

_"Do you want to grow old and ugly?" _

_"And get killed by your own son?" _

_"Stay away…" _

_"Stay far, far away…" _

"Okay, sure." Sky said and went upstairs.

He knocked on Nami's room. "Come in." She said.

Sky came into the room with extreme stealth. Too bad Nami was looking directly at him as he walked in. The cunning moves he had used were worthy of James Bond. Sky looked around the room, there were several matches on the ground, but no fires.

"What do you want?" Nami said sweetly.

"Uhh…well I paid good money to watch your TV." Sky said, scratching his head.

Nami shrugged. She was sitting at her desk, writing something. "Sure, I suppose company would be nice, anyway." She stared at him for a moment. "Ya know, I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Nami."

"I'm Sky." He said hesitantly, then turned on Nami's TV.

"Weather for today is partly cloudy with a sudden appearance of small dust devils…"

He turned the channel.

"Today is definitely a day to play in the sunshine, so says our Horoscope…"

He changed it again.

"To plant this seed, just put it in the dirt and…"

Nami was watching him with strange eyes. Sky threw the remote on the floor. "Hey! These are the exact same channels!" He cried.

"Well, what did you expect? This is Forget-Me-Not Valley. People forget that we are here." She said. Sky sighed. "I'll be right back." He said and went outside and into the restroom. A few minutes later he came out and whiffed the air. He smelled smoke.

He rushed into Nami's room and found that the TV had been set on fire. Nami was watching it, her eyes filled with delight.

"Hey!" Sky cried and ran for the fire extinguisher. (Too bad they didn't have one.) So he had to put the fire out with his foot. By the time he was done, his boot was no more than a pile of ashes. "What did you do that for?"

"I'm sorry." Nami said, bowing her head. "It's just so…fun!"

"Yeah but…the TV?" He asked.

"It made you mad, so it made me mad. I watched it burn…slowly…burn to the ground…the flames consuming it…"

"Whoa, time out! Stop before you set _me _on fire."

Nami looked insulted. "Why would I do that? Humans smell to bad when they are on fire. Squirrels make an excellent dinner though."

Sky didn't even ask, just bid her farewell and quickly left as fast as he could.

Breathing in the fresh air, he walked down by the beach. The waves tickled his now shoe-free foot and chilled him to the bone. Suddenly he heard footsteps behind him, and turned around.

No one was there.

Thinking himself crazy, he kept on walking. He thought of many ways to torture chickens, and the thought was comforting to him. Then he heard the footsteps again, and turned around.

Still, No one.

_The voices are getting to me again. _Sky said and kept on walking.

He heard footsteps again. He turned around.

Nami was less than a few feet behind him.

Sky jumped quite a few feet into the air. "Are you _stalking _me?" He asked, amazed.

Nami shrugged. "I was bored. I'm training to be part of the CIA, so I thought I would test my skills on you."

"Oh…uhh…sorry…" He said.

"Wanna walk with me? I have a secret meeting here in a few minutes, but I can talk with you till then."

Sky suddenly imagined his entire farm on fire, and so he quickly nodded his head.

Nami looked delighted. "Cool, so, where are you from?" Nami asked, trying to make conversation.

Sky showed off his invisible motorcycle. "From the city." He said proudly.

Nami looked at the invisible motorcycle in awe. "That's neat! Well, I come from Some Where." She said.

"Somewhere?"

"No, Some Where. You know how sometimes you ask people where they're going, and they don't want to tell you, so they just say 'Some Where'? Well, that's where I'm from, Some Where. It's a great place, and lots of people go there."

"Umm...sure…of course I've heard of that place." He said. There was an awkward silence, so he asked. "So why are you here instead of Some Where?"

"Oh, I got kicked out for setting the Where Inn on fire." She said as if it where nothing. "I always get kicked out of towns for some reason. People in Forget-Me-Not Valley don't mind the fires, though, so I stay here."

"Oh sure…fires here…they are _never _a big deal. I just set my cow on fire yesterday, and no one even noticed!"

"See, there's my point." She said, and suddenly her pager beeped. She flipped it out in a James Bond-style and said, "Oops, I'm late. I've got to go, bye." She said and magically disappeared.

Off in the distance, he saw a tree set on fire.


	6. AntiAnimal

**Chapter Six: Anti-Animal **

There was a knock on his door.

He jumped up, gun in hands and ready to kill the person who would dare think to wake him up. He checked his clock, it was only 4am! Who was this guy, Santa Claus?

Unfortunately, he was right. "Who is it?" Sky yelled.

"Your own personal Santa Claus. I've got a present for you." A rough voice called back, one Sky instantly recognized as Takakura's.

Sky had been very clever the previous night. He was reading 'The Princess and the Pea' when the clever idea came to him. He went to this large chicken coop that had suddenly appeared in the middle of the night. He took his beautiful scythe, and began to chop off every last feather on the chickens. Then using his genius inventing skills, he made a giant bed mattress out of feathers and placed it on his bed. Now, with the exception of a rogue feather stick up in certain private parts, he was quite comfortable.

So, getting the loose feathers out of his nostrils, he opened the door. Takakura was looking impatient. "What?" Sky growled.

"Out of the kindest of my black heart, I have decided to give you a present." He said.

"Which is…?"

"You'll see. Follow me." Takakura led him outside of his shack and to the front of the barn.

Before him was a horse. It looked like a little kid, with orange fur and cute little eyes. Sky looked at it in disgust. "What _is _it?"

"For you." Takakura said.

"For you to have back." He scooted the horse towards Takakura. Suddenly the horse reared up and kicked him in the stomach, causing him to fly at least fifty feat in the air and somehow land unharmed on the ground.

"Look, this horse was dropped on _my _doorstep as a present. But I sure as ever do NOT need a horse, so he's yours to use."

Sky studied the horse. "But…what will I use it FOR?"

"You ride it, dummy! He'll take you all around town. Think of him as a…'car'. Ya know, those little metal boxes that people drive around in? I've heard of them, they even say that a car has horsepower! Well, this here is a horse!"

Sky approached the horse cautiously, and petted it. "So then…" He made a false cough. "Mr. Horse, you listen to me! I am your master! You will do as I say, WHEN I say, and become my ultimate slave!"

The horse snorted.

"Acts of defiance will be issued as treason! You will be hanged and forbidden from ever eating again."

The horse looked at him innocently.

"His name is Apple. Named him myself."

"Whoa, time out. What did I say?" Sky said, forming his hands into a 'T'.

"You said…'Acts of defiance will be—"

"No, what I said about you _naming _things?"

"I think Apple is a very nice name!"

"And I think that you have serious naming issues." Sky said, then sighed. "Fine, I'll keep the horse. At least I've got myself a nice slave."

The horse spit on him.

"Ugh!" Sky said, jumping back.

Suddenly the horse loomed over him, with threatening eyes and sharp hooves. Sky stared directly into Apple's eyes, and expected some terrifying lasers to shoot out or some other dramatic thing.

"No! I'll be good! I really will!" Sky said, cowering in fear.

"What are you talking about?"

Sky blinked, Takakura was looking at him as if he were mad. _Great, it's just the voices again. _Sky thought. The voices, they always did weird things to him.

The horses snorted again.

"Okay, I'll take the horse. And I'll treat it nice and gently." Sky said, hopping up and leading the horse inside. Takakura shook his head and left.

As he walked in, Betsy was looking at the horse with disgust. "He does not belong." Betsy said.

"How would you know, you're just a cow!" Sky countered.

Betsy mooed.

Sky set up Apple's area and threw his newly scythe-cut grass in the box.

Apple snorted.

"UGH! What is it with me and animals? I stand by my point, I am NOT a good farmer."

"YES YOU ARE!" Takakura suddenly shouted from outside. He walked into the barn. "You just have the _believe _in yourself." He said, walking up to Sky.

Sky looked at him strangely.

"Believe you can do it, and you _will_. I know that deep inside of you, you have the heart to be a great farmer, just like your dad." Takakura held his hands out to Sky, as if expecting Sky to hug him or something. Suddenly everything seemed to be in slow motion and music in the background.

"Whoa! Whoa! Who turned on the cheesy inspirational music?"

The music stopped.

"And look, Takakura…NO!" He said, and ran far, far away.

Takakura shrugged and left again.

Sky sighed and slumped against the barn. Then he rang the little bell, and magically both the horse and cow went outside to the enclosed grass.

He walked out and into the sunshine. He heard Besty moo angrily, and he jumped as he saw Daryl studying the cow with deep intensity.

"What are you doing?" Sky demanded.

"I am not studying the cow." He said.

"Umm...why?"

"The cow belongs." Daryl said.

"Dude, I've already heard that the HORSE does not belong, now not the cow too!"

"There is something not strange about the cow."

"Like what."

"I shall not have to do scientific research."

"Whoa, you are NOT going to dissect my cow!"

"I will hurt the cow."

"Okay…" Sky scratched his head, and went into town.

The next day, Sky returned home with a sheep.

Now what drove him to do such an insane thing was beyond him, but he did NOT like it at all. All the sheep would do is sit, eat grass, and sleep. Barely made a sound. Sky called the sheep Sleep, because Sleep was an awesome name.

Sky was sitting on a milk bucket, watching Sleep eat.

"DO something, for crying out loud!" He yelled.

"Bawww!" the sheep said.

"Ah, you're not fun." He said, and threw the bucket at the sheep.

Sleep jumped into the air, all four of his little black hooves. Then, he plunged right into Sky with a giant head butt.

"Alright ENOUGH with the whole 'knocking me down' business. What have I ever done to offend YOU, huh? I buy you, feed you, give you a home, and THIS is the thanks I get."

The sheep said nothing, just quietly ate the grass as innocent as can be.

Sky had yet to approach Apple, who was wandering around the pen. Sure, he appeared innocent, but somehow Sky felt as if the horse was watching him, planning, waiting for the moment to strike with the deadly horseshoes on his feet.

"Well, I'm definitely not changing your shoes any time soon, buddy." Sky said from a far off distance to the horse.

"You're hopeless." Betsy commented as Sky approached her with the milk bucket.

"And so are you! You know, it's scientifically proven that cows have brains no bigger than birds. If they fall down, they can't even stand up! And you call ME hopeless!"

Then Sky threw the bucket down and began to milk Betsy. He then threw the milk bottles into the storage room and wrote down what he needed. This time, however, he added something different. He had a very smart idea, he was a very smart person. Got all C's on his report cards and everything. He had a plan, and he was going to do it.


	7. Dogs and Pretty Rocks

**Chapter Seven: Dogs and Pretty Rocks **

Unfortunately, Sky's plan didn't work. The plan was worthy of a mad scientist. It involved eggs, meat, sticks, broken chairs, metal pipes and car horns. Too bad that cars where only legends in Forget-Me-Not Valley.

_A month has passed… _

"AHHHHHHH!" Screamed a high, feminine voice.

"AHHHHHHH!" Screamed Sky, though by sound alone you could hardly tell the difference.

Sky jumped out of bed, imaginary revolver in hand. "Who the heck is there?" Sky screamed, loading his invisible gun.

"Get it away! Get it away! Get it away!" A girl screamed from outside.

Throwing on a black ski mask, Sky opened the door. He found Muffy a moment later inside a tree. She was looking down at Ripper the dog with absolutely terror. "Get it away from me, you dope!" Muffy cried.

Sky laughed and pulled off the ski mask. He pat Ripper on the head. "Good dog, it seems you've found a burglar."

"I wasn't stealing anything! You are so dopey!" Muffy said with a pouting lip.

Sky wasn't listening. "Now the question is, do I leave you up there or let you down?" Sky thought for a moment, then shrugged. "It's midnight! I'll get you in the morning!" He said and began to walk away.

"Hey! You can't just leave me up here! That's cruel!"

Sky turned towards her. "Who said anything about me being nice?"  
"It's proper to be nice to a lady such as myself!" Muffy said.

Sky sighed. "Fine. C'mon, Ripper." He whistled for the dog. Instead of coming to him, however, Ripper went over and began chewing on an old shoe.

Muffy slowly climbed down from the tree and dusted herself off.

"Hold it! Empty your pockets!" Sky demanded.

"Why? You don't actually think I stole something!"

"You have the right to remain silent!"

"Yeah, the _right_. That doesn't mean I have to, dopey!"

Muffy proceeded to empty out her pockets. They were full of useless things until Sky saw a few gold coins in her pocket. He put them in his hands. "You stole this."

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

"Fine, then I'm stealing them from you." He pocketed it the small coins.

Muffy shrugged. "Fine, I have plenty more where that came from."

Sky was amazed, he stared at her greedily.

"Don't even think about it, Sky! Look, I just came over to visit you."

"Visit me! In the middle of the night?" Sky exclaimed.

Muffy folded her arms. "Duh, it's called a ' midnight stroll', dopey! I was planning for a nice, romantic night when your dog had to ruin everything!"

"I'm glad he did…" Sky muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing!"

"Look, dopey, how about you come visit me at the Blue Bar sometime? It can get a bit lonely."

"Uhh…" Sky scratched his head, he wasn't sure what to say.

Muffy sighed. "Well, then, goodnight." She said and left.

Sky watched her go, rubbing his eyes. "I must be dreaming all this, that's all. Or maybe it's the voices. They always do weird things to me…" And then he fell back asleep on the wooden-board-that-is-called-a-bed.

The next day Sky decided to do one of his explorations. His explorations were…like…important. Because if you didn't explore, you didn't…know! Did Christopher Columbus already know America was there without going there? Did Indiana Jones know there was a secret crypt in Africa without going there? No! Without explorations…everyone would live on this tiny rock and be very crowded!

So with this little piece of knowledge, Sky set out across the river. He didn't even know there _was _a river until he explored over there! Once he was over the river, he went down the hill and saw a tent in the distant. Because of his awesome exploration powers, he managed to walk over to the tent and walk straight into an archeological campsite! A man was just emerging from a strange hole in the ground. This man's name was Carter.

"Ho! Sky! What a pleasant surprise." Carter said, wiping the sweat from his brow.

Sky kicked the dirt. "Yeah…I was…exploring…" He muttered.

Carter nodded. "I always do love explorers! You are the adventurous type, huh? Well, I'm exploring too! Just in different ways!" Carter said.

Suddenly a girl with beautiful golden hair and glasses emerged from the tent. Sky's mouth fell open. The girl walked over to Carter.

"Wow! You're cute!" Sky exclaimed before he could help himself.

The girl laughed. "Oh, you're so funny! My name's Flora." She said.

"Pretty name, too!"

Carter coughed rather loudly. "Yes, as I was saying…how about you help us out, Sky? I could use help finding ancient artifacts from a lost civilization."

"Will Flora be helping?" Sky asked.

"Yes." Flora said.

"Then I'm in!" Sky said.

Two minutes later, Sky was underneath a large tarp with a small, pathetic, not-shiny and un-pointy shovel. "Let's begin, then." Carter said.

Sky tapped the ground with the shovel. He was hardly paying attention, he was staring at Flora. Flora was taking complicated calculations and writing rapidly.

Suddenly his shovel hit something hard. Suddenly concentrating very hard, Sky dug up a rock. The rock was very shiny, though, and had pretty crystals inside of it. "Well, that sure is a nice find." Carter muttered as he saw it.

"Do you want it?" Sky said, looking at the rock.

"No, no, that's not what I'm looking for." Carter said. Sky shrugged and pocketed the rock. He could always use it to hit someone.

Two hours later, Sky dug up a large statue. Not just any statue, though, this one was made out of pure gold!

"Holy Molly! I'm rich! I'm rich! I'm rich!" Sky hollered, jumping up and down in rejoice. Then he proceeded to do his strange victory dance. Flora was laughing hysterically as he did it.

Suddenly, Carter snatched the statue out of Sky's hands. "That's exactly what I've been looking for! Thank you, Sky, you are done for the day."

Sky's mouth dropped open a few feet. "Hey! How about YOU take the rock, and I take the GOLD statue!"

"No, no, I don't need the rock. Just the statue."

"But…that's like…robbery!"

"I thought we agreed that you would help me find the object I wanted. If you found it, you would hand it to me."

"Yeah but…this is…GOLD!" He said.

Carter shrugged. "Go on, Sky, perhaps we shall meet again."

And Sky was thrown out of the pit.

Sky began reciting his list of very dirty words as he walked back down the road and across the river. As he did though, he saw Nami in the middle of the road. Nami was lying down in the dirt, staring at the dancing fire from a small fire pit.

"Uhh…Nami?" Sky said, looking at her curiously.

Nami didn't move her eyes. "So…pretty…I want to hug it!" She cried and mimed embracing the fire in her arms.

"People can get hurt that way, you know." Sky said.

"Fire is my friend." Nami declared, standing up. She then glanced at the rock that was in Sky's hand. "Oooh! That's pretty too!" She said, staring at the rock in awe.

Sky examined the rock, trying to see what was so exciting about it. "Do you want it? I certainly don't have a use for it."

Nami nodded her hand and Sky tossed the rock to her.

"Wow! Thanks Sky! I'll put it right next to my box of matches!" Nami said and ran off. Sky watched her leave, trying to puzzle out what just happened.

He mentally shrugged. _I'm sure the voices will explain everything to me. _Sky said and headed back home.


	8. The Chance of Improbability

**Chapter Eight: The Chance of Improbability **

_No, no, he was running, again, he was always running. The chicken…it was coming for him…and the fires…they were everywhere. _

_ The chicken let out a cluck and charged for him. Sky ran and ran till he couldn't run no more. The voices…the chicken…danger… _

_ Suddenly he was outside of Romana's mansion. Piano music filled his head. The music…it was sided with the voices! It was after him too! _

_ "What are you doing here, Sky?" Flora appeared, She was looking at Sky with interest. _

_ Suddenly a blue feather appeared in his hands. Flora was looking at the blue feather with a smile. Sky handed the blue feather to her… _

_ "Sky, you shouldn't have!" He handed the blue feather to Lumina. The young girl giggled and then leaped into his arms… _

Sky shot out of bed, his heart pounding.

"I have GOT to get out more." He declared, and then proceeded to remove the various nails and splinters that had entered his body during his night's wrestle.

"Those stupid freaking ELVES!"

"We're Harvest Sprites!" Suddenly the elves were upon him…attacking him…their eyes glowing red…

"AHHHHHH!" He screamed and was out of his bed once more, feeling his face for vital injuries.

"I HATE double dreams." Sky shouted. Then he proceeded to remove the various nails and splinters that had entered his body during his night's double wrestle.

"Mmm…grumble…grumble…" Sky grumbled as he walked out of his shack and into the open air. There were some things in life that he understood, and most things that he didn't. For example, he had no idea that double dreams were possible. He also didn't know why the sky (the REAL sky) was blue instead of a strange purple or colorful pink. He also did not know why elves were called Harvest Sprites instead of elves or what blue feathers had anything to do with marriage.

Most of these things, Sky had no intention of knowing. Ignorance is bliss.

So he walked outside his shack into the morning dew, whistle 'Dreaming of a Different Planet' by Far A. Way. He threw upon the barn door and tossed fodder into the animals' bens, still humming.

"That is the most ridiculous song I have ever heard." Betsy commented.

"Shut up. What do you know? You're a cow."

"Cows have bigger and better ears than you do." Betsy said and gave a deep moo.

Apple glared at him with intense anger as Sky fed him. Cowering, Sky then fed Apple and Apple. Apple neighed and ate the apple happily.

"To show that I am a nice evil guy." Sky said as Apple ate it.

Then he turned to Sleep the sheep, who was sleeping. Sky couldn't blame the sheep. If he were a sheep, he would be sleeping too. He noticed that Sleep's wool was extremely dirty and filthy. But then, so was all the other animals.

So, he declared this day Bath day. There was much rejoicing.

Lining all the animals up in a single file line, he began with Betsy. He took a ridiculously large scrub and a hose and began to clean the animals.

"It's about time." Betsy said, mooing in appreciation.

Apple acted completely innocent during his clean, but Sky knew that if he made one wrong move then Apple would kick him again with his hind legs.

Exhausted, after going through all the chickens (which gave him several plucks and pecks in protest from being cleaned) Sky turned to Sleep, who was sleeping the entire time. Sky hosed the sheep down and began to scrub as hard as he can. Despite what the other animals thought of his scrubbing, Sleep seemed to be enjoying it.

Suddenly, an incredibly smart thought came to Sky. It was one of those genius thoughts, worthy of Albert Einstein. Worthy of Stephen King, Bill Gates, even Hitler!

"Sleep…you have WOOL!" Sky exclaimed, astonished by his smartness.

"Baa." Sleep said in agreement.

"So…I can like…sell your wool, right? For money?"

"Baa." Sleep said.

"That is SO COOL! But I'll need something to cut your wool with…" He ran into the tool shed and searched through his many pointy objects. Dropping the scythe, Sky found some scissors. "Oooh…sharp…" Sky said, picking up the shears. He walked back over to Sleep.

He cut. He cut like his heart depended on it, and maybe it did. Sky had been eating stale bread lately, it was all he could afford. Money was not on his side. Money hated Sky, but that's okay. Sky forgave Money. Sky wanted Money to come over some time.

Finally, the cutting of wool was done. The ceremony complete, Sky looked down at the huge stack of freshly washed wool before him. Sleep, who had once been nice and fluffy, was now thin and frail.

"Alright, go back to sleep, Sleep." Sky said.

"Baa." Sleep said and was asleep.

Sky was getting up and wiping the dirt off him when suddenly he noticed that the wool _glittered _in the afternoon sunlight. He knelt closer to the wool, inspecting it, it glittered again! Then, he realized that the wool was not white but yellow! A…a…golden yellow! It was gold! It was golden wool!

"I CAN TURN THREAD INTO GOLD!" Sky exclaimed, hugging the golden wool. And there was no Rumplestiltskin to take it from him! It was his! FINALLY, MONEY WAS HIS! He knew that Money would forgive him.

But wait…how was this possible? According to the Improbability Scale, the chance of normal sheep wool to turn into to gold was .1294582094343 to 1 million. Very improbable, yet here it was!

Sky shrugged. Gold was gold, he was going to go sell it before someone locked him into a tower, and Takakura demanded he let down his golden wool so that he may enter Sky's tower.

Taking up the wool, Sky checked the calendar inside his house. It was Wednesday, prefect!

Sky whistled.

Apple did not come.

Sky whistled.

Apple still did not come.

Sky whistled again.

Finally, Apple grumpily walked over too him. Climbing into the saddle in a way worthy of John Wayne, he rode into town singing 'I Can Turn Rock Into Gold' by Mida S. Touch.

Van the Merchant was standing outside of the inn. He was a fat guy, with an ugly black mustache and matching hair. He had white ruffles around his neck and a red suit with golden buttons. He laughed strangely as Sky approached with the wool. "My, my, it seems that you have some golden wool."

"Yeah!" Sky said excitedly. "And I wanna sell it for a bunch of money!"

"You know, according to the Improbability Scale the chances of you actually getting golden wool is…"

"Yeah, I know, how much can I get for it?" Sky interrupted.

"2000g." Van said firmly.

Whoa! That was a bunch of money! Sky grinned from ear to ear. "I'll take it!" He exclaimed, putting down the golden wool.

"No, you won't!" Van said, fingering a gold chain watch.

"Umm…I won't?" Sky asked in confusing.

"You have to bargain with me first!"

"I do?"

"Yes!"

"But…2000g is a lot!"

"Surely you want at least 3000g for it, though? I mean, this golden wool is extremely improbable!"

"Fine!" Sky said in defeat. "I'll have 3000g for it!"

Van looked shocked. "What? Are you trying to rob me, son? This pathetic wool is barely gold. It's worth no more than 1500g!"

Sky kicked the ground. "Fine! I'll take 1500g for it! Can I have the money now?"

"What!" Van shouted. "1500g for this beauty? I am surprised! You should ask for 3500g and no less!"

"The more money the better!" Sky said. "3500g for the golden wool, and no less." Sky declared.

"3500g? Raising the price? I am but a humble merchant, I barely have that money!" Van cried dramatically.

Sky held his temper. "Then how much can I get for it?"

"2000g."

"Is that all?"

"Yes."

"Fine, give me the money!" Sky said.

Van handed him the money and snatched the wool away. He threw it in the trash can.

Sky's mouth fell open. "WHAT THE HECK did you do that for?"

Van shrugged. "What am I, a merchant, supposed to do with wool? Use it as clothes? Gold is too flashy anyway. Go now, shoo, shoo!" Van shoved Sky away and went to the next person in line.

Pocketing the money, Sky gave Van one last confused stare before riding back towards the farm.


	9. Give Fish to Girls

**Chapter Nine: Give Fish to Girls **

Sky slept happily that night. Not even the strange nails poking his back could stop him from smiling in his sleep. If you were to open his eyes you would see dollar signs.

Oh, the things he could buy with the money he got! He almost did not want to wake up, his dreams were filled with too many wonderful items. He imagined him, wearing that large duck hat that he had always dreamed of wearing…it even quacked when he stood up…

For the first time in his depressingly strange life, Sky woke up bright and early. The shack seemed to radiate in the morning light and Sky put on his usual attire. (He didn't know how to wash clothes yet, it was too complicated.) And he went outside into the fresh morning air. He went into the storage metal building where he had put his large hoard of money.

He opened the door and found someone inside.

At first, he thought it was some sort of ape. It had a wild tangle of dark brown hair and only reached Sky's waist. Yet it was a human, and not a child. He watched the little man dig into Sky's hoard of coins!

"HEY! WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING?" Sky yelled, advancing towards the little man.

The man turned his head and smiled golden teeth. He had wide eyes. "Murrey want! Murrey want!" The little half-animal person was holding all of Sky's gold!

"NO! MY PRECIOUS!" Sky said and leaped out for the glittering objects in Murrey's hand. It was too late, though, Murrey dodged Sky and was out the door. By the time Sky had recovered from his dramatically slow fall, Murrey was out of site.

Sky kicked the metal storage building, then began to hop on one foot in tremendous pain. All his gold! Gone! Murrey left nothing behind but cobwebs! Oh, the horrors of the world!

A few nights ago, Sky had constructed his own Very Dirty List Mark II. Now, as he walked outside in the miserable morning weather, he began through his list in complete poetry.

Now what was he going to do? His money was gone, gone! All his lifework's, gone! The creature even stole his invisible motorcycle! Why when he got his hands on that little thief…

He pretended to strangle the air.

Betsy was outside eating grass, watching him. She mooed loudly. "Get a job, dork." She said.

"This is my job! LIFE is a big job!"

"Yeah, well I think life just fired you."

"So now what?"

"Figure out something to do to earn some money! If it is so important to you. I don't really care, just give me my grass." Betsy mooed.

Smiling mischievously, Sky ran over and squeezed all the milk out of Betsy then shoved the magically-bottled milk into the storage building.

Trying to figure out exactly how he was going to get money, he walked over to his 'crops'. At least, he thought they were crops. You could hardly tell the difference between the plant and the dirt. Sky kicked the weeds that were supposed to be tomatoes.

Then, a thought occurred to Sky. Sky was quite impressed, he had had many good thoughts these past few weeks! Perhaps he was becoming mad. Geniuses were supposed to be mad, right? He was going to be a genius! The voices were right!

Sky walked over to Takakura's door and threw it open. He put his hands on his hips and stood proudly in the doorway. "I…" Sky declared, "am going to become a world famous FISHERMAN!"

"Huh?" Takakura was busy cooking a gigantic fish and not paying attention to him.

"I am going to become a FISHERMAN and live on a BOAT! I shall be known as…Sky! Sky the FISHERMAN HERMIT-WHO-LIVES-ON-WATER!"

"Oh really? Do you have a boat?" Takakura asked.

"Uhh…no."

"Do you have any money to buy a boat?"

"Uhh…nope."

"Then I have news for your, sonny, you ain't getting no boat."

Sky folded his arms and frowned. "But I wanna be a fisherman!"

"Alright, then how about this? I have an old fishing rod by my bed. You can take it and use it to get some fish. You got to start small, Sky, I thought you knew that."

Sky gave up. Life really had fired him. "Fine, fine, give me the stupid fishing rod."

Takakura handed him a stick with a string on it. Then he threw Sky some worms.

"Uhh…do I hit the fish with this?" Sky asked, making a hitting motion with the stick.

"No, you toss the string in the water with the worm on it. You'll figure it out. There's a pond on top of the hill. You know, next to the evil harvest sprites?"

"Oh…right…" Disappointed, Sky left.

Instead of going down the hill like he usually did, he went up the hill. Believe me, he would much rather go down the hill. It's no fun going up a hill, no fun at all. I mean, what was the point of making you go _up _a hill? There was no point! You had to go down a hill!

Still, he went up the hill and entered a magical forest.

Beautiful trees surrounded him, blocking out a good portion of the beating summer sun. Little flowers that glowed blue were surrounding an enchanted pond. And it was all so magical.

Then he saw the Harvest Sprite's home.

It was a gigantic dead tree towards the edge of this oh-so-enchanted place. There were holes in the tree that made it look like the tree had eyes. Red Eyes. There was a very small door at the bottom of the trunk. A miniature sign had the word 'Beware!' painted on in red.

"Definitely staying away from there. Evil Elves." Sky snorted, approaching the pool.

"We're HARVEST SPRITES!" A tiny voice suddenly said. Sky jumped high in the air. The voice had come from nowhere!

Shaking himself, Sky sat down on one of the blue flower beds and threw a worm into the pond.

The worm floated, and then sunk.

"Oh yeah!" Sky exclaimed. He tied another worm to the string which was tied to the stick. He threw the worm in the water.

This time, the worm just floated there.

Sky sat, full of excitement, and waited. He waited, and he waited, and after that he waited some more. He waited so much that his excitement faded and he fell asleep.

A tug on the line woke him up.

"AHH SOMETHING HAS ME!" Sky squealed like a girl. Then, remembering his non-existent Fishing Guide 101, he pulled the stick and the string jerked out of the water.

There was _something _on the line, but Sky couldn't see it. He took out his microscope and looked again. After a moment, he saw a fish.

"Great! This is the fish I get! This is just sad!" Sky exclaimed, throwing the dead fish in his bag. He threw the worm-attached-to-a-string out again.

He waited, and he waited, and after that he waited some more. He waited so much that he fell asleep again. This time, he slept for quite some time.

Then, he felt this humongous tug on his arm. It nearly yanked his arm out of his socket!

"HEY! CUT IT OUT!" He said, feeling his sore arm. He tugged the string out of the water.

Taking is microscope out once more, he found the fish. It was bigger than the first, at least.

"These guys are strong! What are people feeding these pathetic things!"

"Man flesh!" The fish replied.

"Shut up! You're supposed to be dead!" Sky said, terrified.

The fish died. Once more, Sky threw the fish in his bag.

He threw the worm-attached-to-a-string out again. He waited, and he waited, and after that he waited some more. Almost falling asleep, Sky muttered, "Why do I feel like things keep repeating themselves? How dull." He yawned.

Suddenly there was a humongous, gigantic, oh-my-gosh-my-arm-is-gone yank. He got pulled straight from the ground and his arm sank into the water. Sky planted his feet, trying to hold himself.

"AHH! What is this thing?" He yelled as he struggled to hold onto the stick. The fish was dragging him under. Eventually Sky could not hold his feet anymore and he plunged straight into the water.

Inside was completely dark, kinda like the inside of his head. He couldn't see what was tugging him so much! And how did this water get so deep?

Oh, by the way, Sky could not swim.

He tried to hold his breath like he saw people do on TV, but for some reason he really wanted to open his mouth and do this breathing thing. Finally, he managed to let go of the rod and it sank to the bottom of this bottomless pond. His body floated to the surface and he gasped for air.

"Hi, Sky! You have fish!" A girl said.

Getting his soggy body out of the water, Sky turned and saw Celia staring at his bag of fish.

"Yeah, I am becoming a fisherman!" Sky exclaimed proudly, his clothes dripping water everywhere.

"Oh. Can I have a fish?"

Sky decided he hated fish. "Sure, whatever."

Celia then muttered under her breath. "Do I want fish?" She asked herself.

"Yes." She replied to herself.

"Okay." She said to herself again. She snagged up a fish and ran down the hill gleefully. "Thanks! Bye, Sky!" Celia said as she ran. Unfortunately, she had taken the biggest fish.

Gathering up his belongings, Sky began his way back down the hill. On his way down he saw Nami walking up.

"Where you fishing?" Nami asked him pleasantly.

"Yeah." Sky said, still feeling utterly disappointed.

"In…in WATER?" Nami asked, horrified.

"Uhh…well…I'm kinda knew at this whole 'fishing' thing and so I'm still starting on water." Sky said.

"Oh…well…can I have a fish? A dry fish?"

Sky honestly did not care any more. "Sure, take this one." He tossed her a very tiny fish.

"Ohh, this is very dry! Perfect for burning!" Nami hastily began to search for some of her matches.

"Right…have fun!" Sky said and ran for the hills. He smelled smoke all the way back from his home.


	10. Unfortunately Frequent Ordeals

**Chapter Ten: Unfortunately Frequent Ordeals **

Today when Sky woke up, he realized that Fall had started. How did he know this? Well when he woke up that day, he saw that everything had turned a strangely brown and red color. Even the grass had lost its grass-i-ness and was now a strange pale yellow.

Sky loved Fall. Why did he love Fall? Because there were LEAVES!

Running out of his shack-that-is-called-a-home he leaped into the air and landed in the leaves. Then, using his stick-that-is-cleverly-disguised-as-a-shovel, he shoved all the leaves into one humongous pile. When he was done, he jumped right into that pile and immediately sank into the lake of leaves. He nearly suffocated from leaves, it was wonderful!

"That's it. I've had it with you." A voice said from outside the leaves. Sky stuck his head out of the pile and found Betsy the cow staring at him.

"Shut up, cow." Sky grumbled and sunk back into the leaves.

"You never even guessed, did you?" Betsy said emotionlessly.

"Last time I checked, I was in charge. Now I say shut up!" Sky yelled, getting out of the pile. The pile suddenly lost it's fun, so he planned to make an even bigger pile! The bigger it was, the funnier it was!

"It won't matter for long. I'm going home." Betsy said, and mooed as she ate some grass.

"What do you mean? THIS IS YOUR HOME! And isn't it grand?" He put on a cheesy commercial voice, "We have all the latest grass, and an extra bonus of milk and leaves! Come, stay here now and we'll give you this free—"

"Nope, today I've decided to go home. I'll be leaving in about two minutes." Betsy said.

"But…BUT I NEED YOU!" Sky pleaded, dropping to his knees before the cow. "How else am I supposed to get milk?"

"Goats have milk."

"I don't know where to get a goat!"

"Then get a new cow. Oh, here comes my ride…" Betsy said and let out a loud moo, then looked up to the sky. Sky looked up to the sky too, and nearly fell over from astonishment.

There was a spaceship before him! Hovering in the sky, a large metallic disk with glowing green lights floated directly over Betsy! A bunch of beeping noises were coming from the spaceship, and Sky could have sworn he heard some mooing.

"Bye, Sky. And may you find much grass to graze on." Betsy said and bowed her head.

"Hey…WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Sky exclaimed.

But Betsy did not answer. Suddenly, a beam of light shot down from the space ship. Then Betsy began to fly! It was a funky way to fly, it looked more like someone was pulling her with an invisible string. The invisible string brought Betsy up into the space ship and the cow disappeared.

1…2…3…4…5…

Sky screamed his head off and ran for the hills…or down the hill, actually.

Still screaming, he ran and he ran and he could almost see the space ship following him. Since when has there been space ships, anyway? Sky had been an expert athlete back in school. He was so good, in fact, that the coached sent him to the their office to sit down and rest his feet before running. Unfortunately it took many days for his feet to rest, so Sky never got a chance to actually run.

Losing his breath, Sky made a turn and stampeded into the Inn. Ruby was there watering a fake plant when Sky burst in and ran up the stairs. Moments later, he found himself in Nami's room.

Nami was not there at the time, and Sky had no idea what drove him to go into the room. He slowly walked over to the window and looked out, the space ship was still hovering over his farm. It seemed to be coming closer, though. Sky closed the blinds on the window and ran under the desk to hide.

"Ouch!" Sky exclaimed as he hit his head on the desk. Suddenly a book fell from on top of the desk. Sky picked it up and gasped, it was Nami's diary!

Sky shoved the diary away from him and began to whistle, trying to ignore the presence of the diary.

The diary was waiting.

He shoved the book in one of the desk drawers.

The diary called to him.

He threw the diary across the room.

The voices told him to read it.

_Just a peek. _Sky told himself and took the diary and opened it up. He almost closed it when he saw the cover of the diary. There was a large flame with glowing red eyes and in strange letters were the words: _Everything Burns. _

He turned to a recent entry. At the corner of the page were four red and yellow hearts.

He read the beginning of the entry:

_It's a official, four hearts now. Sky is so cute! He looks just like a dancing flame. Which, speaking of flames, my recent mission has been completed. _ _Germany__ will never look the same, now. By the way, how long am I going to stay at this wooden inn? I'm supposed to be going back to Some Where for the weekend, but for some reason this wooden inn attracts me. _

_Oh and that artist who lives by the turtle pond, I left him a little present. My own fiery masterpiece. _

_Back to Sky, I think I'm going to steal his blue feather that he keeps hidden in his tool shed. Who knows? I may use it someday. _

Sky slammed the book shut. His heart pounding, he put the diary back where it was and ran out of the Inn.

He looked up in the sky, the space ship was waiting for him.

Resuming his screaming and using his superior athletic feet, Sky began running again. This time he ran in the opposite direction, up the hill. He was slowed by the mightily annoying hill and so the space ship was gaining on him. Seeing Vesta's Vegetable Farm, he ran towards it and inside their store. Not thinking straight, he climbed up to the second story and found himself in Celia's room.

Celia was also not home. Where was everyone?

He looked out the window, the space ship was no where to be seen.

He turned his head and saw Celia's diary by the bedside table.

This time, Sky resisted his strange urges. "I am nuts. Completely nutso is what I am. No more diary-reading for me."

The voices told him to read the diary.

Sky sighed. "Alright, just a little peak this time!" He said firmly to himself and opened up the diary. The cover of the diary had a picture of the sun and the moon, but nothing more. Inside the diary was the craziest thing Sky had ever seen. He read the most recent entry. Three hearts were above it.

_Dear Diary. I'm not writing today. _

_I love to play. Sky is OK. But may I say that to like his bike is a very nice thing to like. It's an invisible bike, which was given to him by a guy named Mike. _

_I think… _

_Should I talk to him? Should I stalk him? Or should I mock him, like Muffy? According to Girl Code Section 12 Line 239, mocking people means you like them. Do I like a guy with a bike? A bike which was given to the guy by a guy named Mike? No, I should not. Not unless he lets me get more fish, which is a type of wish. _

He closed the diary. Looking at it gave him a headache. He decided to ignore the diary for now. He did decide one more thing, and that was that he could forget his fishing career.

Slowly, he crept outside the house. All was quiet, but something was coming.

Something…was…coming…

The space ship appeared directly over him.

Screaming like a little girl, Sky ran all the way back to his shack-that-is-called-a-home and shut the door.


	11. Wanna Be Artist

**Chapter Eleven: Wanna be Artist **

Sky did not have a cow.

The cow…was gone.

He and the cow did not belong.

It was too much for Sky. So he went and got himself another cow.

At about noon time a week after the disappearance of Betsy, Sky went over and rammed on Takakura's door.

"What do ya want?" He heard Takakura call from inside. He opened the door and looked at Sky, waiting for Sky to explain why he was here.

"I want a new cow." Sky said.

"You killed off your old one!" Takakura said.

"No I didn't! It was an alien! I've told you this!"

"Like I said, you killed your last one so what expects me to give ya a new one?"

Sky folded his arms. "Uhh…Takakura, you remember that favor I did for you last month?"

"What?" Fear crept into Takakura's voice.

"You know…with the duck and the chicken…together…"

Takakura halted him immediately, putting a finger to his mouth to get him quiet. "Oh THAT favor, right. Fine, I'll get you a cow. But if this turns out to be another one of dem aliens, I'll just have that duck visit again…"

Sky was horrified at the very thought.

So, the next day, at 3am in the morning, this time Takakura knocked on his door. "Wake up ya sleepyhead! Rise and shine, look at this beautiful day!" Sky stood up and stepped into his fluffy bunny slippers. He opened the door to find that it was still dark outside.

"Wmmfh?" Sky said in an incomprehensible language.

"I got your cow. Now be thankful and give me a hug!" Takakura exclaimed, arms outstretched.

Sky yawned. "Now Takakura, what haveI told you about this whole 'hugging' situation before?"

Takakura lowered his arms. "Oh...right...well your cow is in the field. She's just a baby, so she won't be giving any more milk for some time."

Sky's eyes widened. "WHAT!"

"She's too little to give milk."

"But...but she was my bread and butter!" Sky exclaimed.

Takakura eyed him curiously. "No wonder Betsy ran away! You were going to turn her into bread and use her milk for butter! You evil, vile person!"

"No! It's an expression. Us former city-folk like to use expressions." Sky said proudly.

"Well it's time to get back on your horse." Takakura said.

"Uhh...Apple doesn't really like me riding him at this time of night and..."

Takakura sighed. "You're hopeless. Well, since you were still sleeping I went ahead and named your new cow. Her name is...is Ali!"

It took a moment for Sky to register what name he had just heard. "Ali! What type of name is that? It's way to...girly!"

"Ali is a girl and likes her name!"

"Fine, whatever, disgrace Sky Farm with your horrible naming, I'm going to bed." He shut the door.

Takakura knocked on the door two seconds later. "Rise and shine! It's time to get to work! Look at the beautiful day!"

"Alright, ALRIGHT, I get your point." Sky said and got up for work.

The cow was pathetically small. It had huge brown eyes and a small little body and stared at him with the most innocent face in the world. It said, "I want to be your friend." In a very affectionate manner.

Sky backed away from the cow. "Hold on a minute, no more talking! I already have the voices IN MY HEAD for guidance so you can just…just…not talk!"

The baby cow mooed.

"Fine, I'm going to the chicken coop." Sky declared and stomped away from the cow.

He was walking up to the chicken coop when, out of the blue, three little elves appeared at his feet. "Hey! Watch where you're going, buddy!" A little voice screamed at him.

Sky screamed and jumped back. Nik, Nak, and Flak all stared at him with evil red eyes. Nak was the first one to smile. "So, how goes your marriage thing?" The elf asked kindly as if the glowing-of-the-red-eyes had never happened.

"Uhh…well...it's not…really…" Sky mumbled, scratching his head in deep concentrating.

Nik sighed. "I told you we should've just gone ahead and brought the tornado, Flak."

"I know, but I was having too much fun over in Kansas!"

"I suppose we could make another one." Nik said.

Sky quickly objected to this statement. "Wait! Actually, I do have someone I want to marry!" He blurted out.

All six eyes turned to him. "Really? Who?"

Sky suddenly pictured a beautiful girl with golden hair and intelligent eyes…"I want to marry Flora!"

Silence followed. Someone coughed, and then Nik said. "Uhh…Sky, that wasn't one of the options."

"Well, can't you make an exception?"

"Nope. You either marry Nami, Celia or Muffy, and within the next four months or your time is up." Flak threatened.

Sky decided that this was the perfect time to panic. "And…what happens when my time is up?"

All three of them got their glowing red eyes. "Then you shall die!" And they all let out a maniacal laughter.

"Really?" Sky said, praying it was a joke.

"No, not really. But you will be forced to live in a hole and grow cabbages for the rest of your life while we permanently relocate your farm." Nak said cheerfully.

The thought was unbearable. "Ok, ok, no Flora. I'll get married, don't worry!"

They all smiled. "Very good. Harvest Sprites, out!" They said in unison and vanished before his very eyes.

Suddenly there was a moo from behind him. He turned around and found that Ali had jumped over the farm fence and was happily walking down the hill and towards town.

"Hey, come back!" Sky ran after the cow.

For a cow, it was amazingly fast. For every leap Sky took, the cow took two leaps. There was a horribly expensive chase scene as Sky ran after the cow all the way through the town and all the way across Forget-Me-Not Valley. Eventually, he managed to run directly into a large metal wall.

"Hey! That hurt!" He yelled at the metal wall. He then looked and saw that the metal wall was actually part of a small metal trailer, sitting right at the edge of Forget-Me-Not Valley. The cow was no where in sight.

"What hurts?" A voice called from within.

"Ahh!" Sky screamed and stood up, preparing his athletic feet to run.

The door to the trailer opened and a gigantic man appeared in the doorway. He had deeply tanned skin and bleached hair. He wore some type of motorcycle costume that was a few sizes too small.

"My name is Cody." The big man said gruffly.

"Uhh…hi…Cody. My name is Sky." Sky was shaking in his boots before the gigantic man.

"You have small cow, run like deer?" Cody asked.

"Yeah…did you see it?"

"Nope. Come inside, I show you pretty picture." He said, turned around and walked back inside, expecting Sky to follow.

"Uhh…good sir, you see…I have this cow and I really need to go and catch it so…" Sky almost jumped out of his skin when the man turned around and glared at him. "I show you pretty picture! Come!" Cody ordered.

"Yes sir!" Sky ran inside the trailer.

The trailer was small and cramped, and Cody was taller than the ceiling and had to duck just to stand up inside. The entire place was filled with strange metal sculptures and artistic pictures. A tiny bed was cramped in the corner and a kitchen was placed somewhere between two sculptures.

"I work on nice picture. You seem nice kid, so I show you nice picture." Cody said logically, walking over to a pile of canvases.

Not wanting to upset the man, Sky nodded enthusiastically.

Cody took out a half-finished picture. In it, he saw a cow. The cow was small and frail and frolicking happily on top of purple grass and under and mustard yellow sky. Black trees surrounded the cow and the cow was heading towards an orange pond. "You like?" Cody asked with a big smile.

"It's wonderful. You should definitely send it into the art museum." Sky said with gritted teeth. He was afraid that if he opened his mouth he may puke over that yellow sky and cause a stain, not that you would be able to tell the difference.

"Harvest Sprites come tell me to show you. They say you like yellow." Cody said.

"I love yellow!" Sky instantly said.

"Okay. I make sculpture this time. Your cow went to pond. Have fun catching cow." Cody said, waved, and shoved Sky out the door.

"Moo." Ali said from the pond.

"Ah ha! I'm going to get you now!" Sky said and began another very expensive chase scene after the cow.


	12. The Doctor Is In

**Chapter Twelve: The Doctor Is In **

Sky jumped ten feet in the air from his bed as a giant clash of thunder woke him up.

After he fell back down, he got out of bed and looked out the window. There was so much rain falling down that he could barely see the barn.

"NOOOOO! I'm trapped!" He exclaimed, jumping up and down. He was going to be stuck in this tiny home-that-is-not-a-house for the rest of his life! Whatever was he going to do?

He turned on the TV.

"It's raining outside." The weather lady said.

"No duh." Sky replied enthusiastically.

"Huge thunderstorm outside, possibly a hurricane. Stay indoors, and go feed your cow, Sky." The weather lady said.

Sky looked dumbstruck. "Uhh…"

"You heard me, your cow is hungry and so is your horse, so go feed them." The weather lady said, rolling her eyes.

And so Sky ran headfirst into the storm. Getting soaking wet, he ran all the way to the barn, threw some fodder everywhere, and then ran back into his home-that-is-not-a-house, breathing deeply.

Bored as ever, he took up time by making paper people and having them attack the evil wooden chair in the corner of his shack. The hours went by and the rain continued, eventually there was a huge _thud _on the door.

"Ah!" Sky screamed and then said. "Who is it?"

The person did not even answer. Instead, he rammed into the door, causing it to fall to the ground and let all the water in.

With a long flash of thunder, Sky saw Frankenstein before him. The thunder rolled as he saw the form of a tall, hunchbacked man with hideously large eyes and a white doctor coat on.

"The doctor is in!" Frankenstein exclaimed in a gruff voice.

"AHH!" Sky screamed and ran into the small bathroom, shutting the door behind him and turning off the lights. He hid behind the toilet paper, shaking from fear.

"Kid, come on out, it's time for your monthly cheek up." The growling voice said with a hint of playfulness.

Slowly, Sky crawled out from his hiding place.

"My name's Dr. Hardy. I'm a physician." The man said proudly.

"What's that?" Sky asked.

Dr. Hardy scratched his head. "I don't frankly know, but it sounds fancy, huh?"

Sky nodded.

"Well I'm going here to do your check up. We don't want you to get sick now, do we?" Dr. Hardy asked him. Then he took out his doctor bag and set it down next to Sky's bed. Sky came over and sat down on the bed, kicking his feet playfully like a little child.

Dr. Hardy took out a rubber chicken and held it up in front of Sky. "Does this thing disturb you in any sort of way?" He asked.

"No, not really. It's kind of cute." Sky said, poking the rubber chicken. Dr. Hardy put the chicken back in his bag and then took out a bottle of a strange purple liquid. He forced Sky's mouth open and poured the purple liquid onto his tongue. It tasted like grapes.

"Does that taste disgusting?" Dr. Hardy asked.

"No, it's sweet, tastes like grapes." Sky replied.

"Mmmhmm…." Dr. Hardy muttered and continued performing strange experimental tests on Sky, and then said. "Sky, I think you need to go for a full psychiatric evaluation."

Thunder rolled outside.

Sky rolled his eyes. "I already took my CAT scan last month." He said.

"This is more than just a CAT scan. You need therapy." Dr. Hardy said.

Sky frowned and folded his arms. "That's what my mom used to tell me." He muttered. "But I never believed her."

"I'm taking you to Daryl right away. He'll know what to do." Dr. Hardy said and packed up his things.

"But there's a hurricane going on outside!" Sky exclaimed.

"And that is supposed to effect you?" Dr. Hardy asked.

Sky shook his head. "No, I was looking out for your safety, not mine."

And so they trekked together out into the storm, braving the perilous rain and wind that faced them. They walked through the mud and up the hill to Daryl's secret laboratory. Dr. Hardy pounded on the door.

"Go away." Daryl yelled from within.

They both went inside.

Daryl was poking a strange yellow jelly with a stick when they entered. After writing something down on his clipboard with the stick, he looked at them. "You can't want anything." Daryl said.

"Sky needs therapy." Dr. Hardy said, shoving Sky forward.

Daryl examined him. "I know why."

"I gave him his basic examination this morning, and the results where unbelievable. I'll need to talk with his CAT Scan doctor some time."

"You did not come here with Nami this morning." Daryl pointed out.

"She needs therapy too!"

"And I proclaimed her perfectly unhealthy!"

"This one is worse!" Dr. Hardy grunted.

Daryl told Sky to not open his mouth, and he stuck a stick on Sky's tongue. Then Daryl shined a light in Sky's eyes, then asked him several strange questions which Sky answered to the best of his ability.

"He's unhealthy." Daryl declared when he was done.

"I still think he needs therapy." Dr. Hardy said.

"He does." Daryl disagreed.

Dr. Hardy hovered over Daryl and Sky with a threatening look, and suddenly Sky got his usual Frankenstein-phobia and ran to the end of the room, cowering in fear.

"Ah! So he does not have Silliophobia!" Daryl said, helping Sky back to his feet.

"That's not surprising." Said Dr. Hardy.

"I haven't noticed that it doesn't happen to a lot of people here in Forget-Me-Not Valley."

"It's like the flu." Agreed Dr. Hardy.

"Silliophobia is when someone is scared of strangely unnatural things." Dr. Hardy explained to Sky.

"Just don't take these meds and you'll feel right as rain tomorrow." Daryl said, holing up a medication bottle.

Sky was absolutely horrified. "No! Not medicine! Anything but medicine!"

Daryl threw the bottle at Sky. "Do not take it twice a day and do not wash it down with milk. You're not dismissed. You're welcome to stay." Daryl said and shooed Sky out of his laboratory and into the rain.

Sky looked down at the medication bottle in his hands. "This is just great." He muttered and shoved the bottle into this pocket.


	13. The Trouble with Muffy

**Chapter Thirteen: The Trouble with Muffy **

Something was thrown at his head.

His carefully-trained reactions caused him to sit upright, an invisible knife in his hands. "Show yourself, you vile villain!" He shouted through a gigantic yawn.

An acorn was thrown at him, this time hitting him in the nose.

He yelped and dropped his invisible knife, clutching his nose. "Ouch! Hey…that hurt!" He cried.

"Wake up, you pinhead!" A squeaky voice said.

Sky looked down at his feet and saw three tiny creatures with horrible glowing red eyes staring at him.

Sky really hoped he was dreaming. "No, not the elves!" He groaned.

"Hey! We're _Harvest Sprites_! Get it right, for once!" Nik yelled.

"Whaddaya you guys want now?" Sky said through another yawn. He checked his invisible cloak and saw that it was 2 am in the morning. Didn't elves ever sleep?

"We want you to get married!"

"Have children!"

"Run a farm!"

"Have an actual life!"

"Have a horrible gushy ending to the story of your life!" Each one of them said.

Sky blinked, trying to process all this then… "Hey…I do have a life!"

"Not a very good one." Flak said.

"Hey, stop giving me flak!"

"We have come to inform you that you have only two years left until the end of the year." Nak said, and all three of them folded their tiny arms menacingly.

"Yeah, I know, get married in two months or my life is over. I've heard this already." Sky said, purposely trying to act like it was no big deal.

"You can act all big and tough now, but just remember we can make you cry with one word." Nak said.

"Oh, yeah? What word is that?"

"Cabbage." Nak said.

"AK!" Sky jumped into the sky and back onto his wooden board-that-is-called-a-bed-for-the-purpose-of-making-things-simple. The wooden bed cracked and Sky ran into the corner, rocking back and forth in utter fear. He pictured the cabbage…it was coming towards him…the evil cabbage…they wanted to suck his blood!

He cowered in fear.

"Much better." Nik said.

"How did you know my secret weakness!" Sky cried.

"We know everything, it's a general rule." Nak said.

"And we know that your blue feather is still rotting in your tool shed." Flak said.

"Use it…"

"…and the girl will marry you!"

"We've just come here to tell you this simple reminder." Nak finished, and with a swirling dust devil, they were gone.

Ten minutes later there was a knock on his door.

Since it was 2:10am in the morning, and Forget-Me-Not Valley had forgotten about the invention of electricity, Sky managed to trip over a lamp that mysteriously appeared under his feat, trip over a cat that managed to appear somehow in his house, and forget 5 of the words on his Very Dirty Word List v2. while he was at it.

"Does _anyone _in this valley know the meaning of 'middle-of-the-night'!" Sky yelled instead of the 5 Very Dirty Words.

"Open the door, you big dope!" A female voice said from outside.

He opened the door and saw Muffy before him. She walked bolding into his house without him even saying anything.

"Someone is stalking me, I want you to protect me." She said simply with her hands on her hips.

Sky stared at her, dumbstruck. "Uhh…"

Muffy frowned. "Hello? Someone is _stalking me_. As a so-called boy, you are supposed to protect me from the evil stalker."

At the words 'protect' and 'stalker' the James Bond music instantly turned on and Sky resumed the secret pose of protection.

Crickets chirped.

"Uhh…"

"He'll come eventually, that's what stalkers do! They follow you until your alone and they…" Muffy let out a cry.

Crickets chirped.

Sky had an itch on his nose from where the little elves hit him with the acorn, but because he was in his secret pose of protection, he could not scratch it. It was starting to itch really bad…

There was a rustle in the bushes outside.

Sky's dog, Ripper, let out a howl and Sky heard him running for the hills.

Crickets chirped.

His nose was really itching…

The cricket was suddenly violently killed and replaced by a chicken.

He really needed to itch his nose…

The chicken squawked.

He itched his nose.

The door suddenly swung open, letting the howling wind enter his shack-that-shall-be-called-a-home-so-to-make-things-simpler. A dark shadow stood looming over them.

Muffy let out a shrill high-pitched scream.

Griffin stepped into the shack-now-called-house. "Ah, there you are, Muffy." He said cheerfully, shutting the door to stop the howling wind.

Both of them stood frozen then…

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU DOPE!" Muffy cried. "DON'T YOU KNOW ITS AGAINST THE LAW TO STALK PEOPLE?"

Griffin frowned, "But I was just having a little fun—"

"I COULD HAVE DIED! I HAD TO RUN ALL THE WAY TO THIS DOPE'S FARM AND HIDE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!" Muffy yelled.

Sky was still itching his nose delightfully.

Griffin straightened his Elvis-style hair. "Now, Muffy, be reasonable…"

"I SHOULD SET NAMI ON YOU! YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S BEEN WANTING TO BURN DOWN THE BLUE BAR FOR MONTHS!"

"YOU JUST FORGOT YOUR COAT!" Griffin said, now shouting on an equal level.

Muffy stopped shouting and smiled. "Oh?"

"Yes! And I figured that I would use my training to sneak up on you and quietly slip the coat onto you."

Muffy laughed. "Oh, well in that case." She snatched the coat from him. "Bye, Sky!" Muffy said and with a maniacal laugh she left with Griffin in toe.

Sky had stopped itching his nose and was now scratching his head.

He walked outside and the wind howled around him. Muffy and Griffin were nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly there was a big flash of green light hovering over the field next to the barn. Sky was too tired to jump, as he had certain rules about doing any sort of activity before 4am in the morning. He watched the light hover there for a moment and then speak.

"I just thought you to know that if you wanted to make a move on her, that was the time." Betsy said through a holographic voice.

"How do you know about human love affairs?" Sky asked curiously.

"I know everything, it's a general rule."

"Oh…well is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" Sky asked.

"Yeah, go visit the Pyro Twins tomorrow, Kassey and Patrick. I left a surprise for you there."

"Really?" Sky hated surprises. "Anything else?"

"Well, there is one more thing…"

"What?"

"This is the part where you run away."

"Oh…" He looked at the hovering green light and began to scream. "AHH!" He runs away.


	14. Why Things Burn

**Chapter Fourteen: Why Things Burn **

It is nearly the middle of the day. Sky stared at the sun.

The sun…it was burning…so brightly…so…beautiful…

He reached his hands up dramatically and tried to grab the sun.

He missed and fell into the dirt.

"Hey!" He cried and showed his fist to the sun, "You're mean!" He shouted.

The sun laughed.

"Some day, sun, I will get you, mark my words!" Sky threatened evilly.

Ali was chomping happily on the grass outside the barn, still unable to produce milk or do anything generally useful. When Sky looked at her she mooed happily.

"You're in league with Betsy, aren't you?" Sky asked.

"Absolutely." Ali said and continued eating.

Apple, who was eating an apple, walked to the edge of the fence next to Sky. It glared at Sky maniacally.

Sky burst into tears, "What do you want from me!" He wailed. "You guys are all against me!"

Apple glared at him.

"Oh…" He straightened up and suddenly looked very professional, "I was supposed to visit the Pyro Twins today?"

Apple neighed.

"Okay, fine, no need to be hasty!" Sky snapped. Suddenly Apple leaped over the fence, bent it's head down and scooped Sky up like a kitten and placed Sky on his back. "AHHH!" Sky screamed.

The mad horse kicked its legs and went into a run down the hill.

The sun was still laughing as Sky clung to the horse's neck like his life depended on it. (And it did.) As they went pass the sparkling river, he saw Flora talking to Dr. Carter, talking pleasantly while looking over an ancient map leading to the lost Ancient Golden Temple of the Monkey. When Sky saw her he nearly fell of his horse. That, of course, would be totally un-cool and so Sky forced himself to remain upright and wave foolishly as he passed.

The horse was mad at him.

"Hey! I do have a love life!" Sky yelled at the horse.

Apple neighed again.

"Oh, just those three girls? Fine, whatever." He grumbled angrily.

Soon they arrived at what appeared to be a tree house…without the tree. You have the tree and then the house…and then you get rid of the tree and all you have is a house on stilts. This is what now stood before Sky. A tree-less brown house.

Apple bent low and threw him off his back. Sky let out an "oomph!" as he was tossed face first into the dirt.

"You know, Apple, we really do need to work on your manners. You forget that I am your master."

Apple lifted up a hoof, placed it on top of Sky's chest, and neighed. "Say that again and I shall kill you." Apple said through the neigh.

"Hey! Man, what _is_ it with you today? See what I mean, manners!" Sky forced himself out from under the hoof and found the small ladder leading up to the home of the Pyro Twins. Then he used his bodybuilder muscles to hoist himself up the ladder.

It took him about twelve tries to get to the top, but the first eleven did not count.

When he got up he saw two midget people who looked exactly alike looking over a strange schematic formula on the floor. And behind the miniature people stood Nami, smiling happily.

"Oh! Hi, Sky! I did not know you were one of Us. This is so cool! I _knew_ it was smart to start stalking you." Nami giggled delightfully. The twin small people, Kassey and Patrick, looked up at him curiously. Since Sky could not tell which was which, he decided to randomly pick a name for one of the random two Pyro twins.

"Greetings, victim." The twin-who-Sky-called-Kassey said and gave a toothy smile.

"Whoa! No way! I went to the dentist _last_ week." Sky shouted, taking a step backwards. He nearly fell down the ladder but gracefully managed to not fall down the ladder.

"Forget-Me-Not Valley doesn't have a dentist." Nami pointed out.

Sky smiled brightly in the randomly placed mirror next to him. "Oh. That explains a lot. Except…who did I pay a hundred hard-earned white flowers to do my teeth?" The world may never know this answer.

"As we were saying." The twin-who-Sky-called-Patrick said as he rolled his eyes. "Greetings, victim, to Pyromaniacs Anonymous."

Sky blinked. His nose was beginning to itch but somehow he had this feeling that if he moved his hand to scratch it, he would become a victim of spontaneous human combustion. Therefore he restrained himself.

"I'm so happy that you've come to join us! So, what have you burned today?" Nami asked eagerly.

"My toast." Sky declared.

Everyone gasped. "Ouch." Kassey winced. "You go to far, Sky! You desperately need to attend more of our meetings. So, come and stay for our meeting right now."

"Sit, sit!" Nami went over and forced him to sit down next to the Pyro Twins.

Then Patrick stood up and walked to the center of the shack. "Welcome to Pyromaniacs Anon. Today we shall begin with a simple lesson." He held up a randomly placed spoon. "Why do things burn?"

Nami instantly raised her hand in the air. "Yes, Nami?" Patrick said.

"Because they can!" Nami declared.

"That's a good answer, but I am afraid it is incorrect." Patrick said. "Because the truth is, as we watch this wooden spoon catch on fire, we realize that the spoon is not burning at all." Patrick sighed. "The truth is, it is not the spoon that burns but us. Because, in the end, there is no spoon."

This speech sounded strangely familiar to Sky, but he could not put his finger on exactly why.

"Of course there's no spoon! It's been burned to little bitty ashes!" Nami shouted.

"She has a point. The spoon would cease to exist once the flame began to burn." Kassey said.

Patrick nodded his head. "Okay, lesson learned. Let's start with some statements. Nami, you go first since you've been melting away over there in that corner."

Nami stood up and walked to the center of the shack. "I," Nami said loudly, "Have not burned anything in over five minutes." There was a round of applause from the crowd. Sky was clapping the loudest. "Bravo, Nami, bravo!" Then Sky stood up to do his turn.

Kassey stopped him. "Do not frighten us, Sky! You are far beyond help, toast-burner. There is no point in you making a statement."

"Okay, statements over. Let's play a game." Patrick said and they looked down at the strange-looking jumble of lines and circles that was supposedly something you could play.

"There is no game." Kassey reminded Patrick.

"Oh, right. Okay, Pyromaniacs Anon meeting is officially over. Everyone leave so that I can burn all the items that you have touched."

"I touched the ladder." Sky proudly said. But Kassey was already pouring gasoline over the ladder and lit it afire with a match. Everyone watched as the ladder ceased to exist.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sky squealed and rushed over to the non-existent ladder. "MY FREEDOM!" He wailed, "IT'S GONE!" This was bad.

"Come play our non-existent game with us, Sky." The Pyro Twins said simultaneously.

"I'm going Somewhere." Nami said as she walked over to the collapsed Sky.

"Where?"

"Somewhere."

"As in…Somewhere away from here?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving in three days. I thought you should know."

"No one's going anywhere. Roaches check in, but they don't check out." Sky stared at the dead cockroach by his nose.

They stared at each other for a few hours and then Nami said. "Oh! Someone left a present for you." Nami reached into her bag and pulled out a box.

"Oooh! I completely thought it was my birthday!" Sky was shocked at forgetting such a momentous day.

"It's not." Nami replied, "But some alien named Betsy told me to give this to you."

Sky opened up the box and inside was a folding ladder. He smiled brightly. "Good ol' Betsy. If she wasn't a man-eating alien trying to invade Earth, I would probably be milking her to earn money right now."

Sky stepped off the pier of the tree-less house and crashed onto the ground.

"Umm, Sky? You were supposed to use the ladder Betsy just gave you." Nami pointed out.

"I meant to do that!" Sky said angrily.

"No you didn't." Apple said.

"Shut up. You're not even supposed to be talking."

He rode home.


	15. Something New, Something Blue

**Chapter Fifteen: Something New, Something Blue**

Sky woke up. Again. He was tired of waking up. It was never any fun. Not only did he have to stare at a ridiculously low ceiling and feel a ridiculously hard not-a-bed, but he had to actually stand up and do farm stuff. Dull.

Today, thankfully, something different but strangely familiar happened. Sky woke up to a big pair of glowing red eyes.

"AHHHHHH!"

He jumped up, hit the ridiculously low ceiling, then fell down and hit the ridiculously hard bed. The elves laughed maniacally.

"Hey, I thought you guys only came out at night." Sky complained. "Don't you like, sleep in coffins or something?"

"No, we—"

"Sleep in a—"

"Tree. But that is—"

"Unimportant right now."

They kept finishing each other's sentences, and Sky got all confused. "What?" He mumbled with a loud yawn.

"Forget it." Nak said. "You ought to be thankful we showed up this morning. We _were_ going to cause a nuclear war in the Bahamas, but instead we got stuck here, reminding you that you have lived in Forget-Me-Not Valley for exactly one year now."

"Oh." Sky stood up and rubbed his poorly abused body. "No wonder I kept forgetting stuff. This place does stuff to you. Like…oh I can't remember what…"

"Today you have to get married." Nik declared.

Sky's jaw dropped to the floor. "WHAT?"

"Yeah. Either that, or you shall burn. So have you picked a girl out? 'Cause if you don't, we can choose one for you…"

"A small one…"

"With sharp, pointy teeth…"

"Whoa, hold it!" Sky put his foot down. "Listen, I am not going to get married. Only old people get married."

"Says who?" The three elves said.

"Says me!" Sky said.

"Oh, well that explains all that gray hair you have." Flak said.

"WHAT?" Sky ran to a mirror, but his hair was just as brown as ever.

"Psyche!" Flak laughed.

"You guys are mean!"

"Listen, go get hitched, okay? We already got everything set up for you. All you have to do is show a girl a blue feather, and you'll be hitched before nightfall.

"I DO NOT WANT TO GET HITCHED!" Sky yelled

Suddenly, he blinked, and the elves were gone. All that remained was a tiny dust devil.

"We'll be waiting." An eerie voice rang through the shack.

Sky sighed, and then he thought. This was a difficult and grueling process, but he made it work. He turned on the television, then he turned it off, then he picked up a stick, then he put it down, then he picked up a pot, then he hit his bed with the pot, then he put it down. Finally, he decided what fate has already decided for him.

"Looks like I'm going to have to get married." He muttered bitterly.

He left his house-that-is-not-a-house and went out in the bright, beautiful sunshine. Apple and Ali were in the grassy area, munching on grass. Apple was neighing a song and Ali was mooing a happy tune.

"What's with you guys, today?" Sky asked.

"You're going to get married." Ali declared through a moo.

"How do you know?"

"Because it is part of the Plan, dofus." Ali said.

Sky eyed her curiously, "Ya know, If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were getting smarter."

Ali went on munching.

"This place does stuff to you." The eerie voice told him.

"Shut up, voice-in-my-head." Sky marched over to the tool shed. He shoved away a couple thousand dust mites and eventually found the blue feather hiding on the floor. Suddenly, Sky got this strange vision of him bursting into flames the minute he touched the feather. Then the vision went away, and he picked up the feather and for a moment thought he caught on fire, but he didn't so everything was ok. He left the tool shed, and everything was normal again.

He walked up the hill while creating a list of Very Weird Words to call the elves. For some reason, the Very Dirty Words seemed to have no effect on him. He must find their weakness!

He spotted Celia out on her vegetable farm, holding a carrot. Boldly, Sky walked up to her.

"Hi, Sky." Celia giggled and hugged her carrot.

"Hey, Celia." Sky said, the essence of smoothness. "Will you—"

"Marry you?" Celia finished for him and she giggled again. "Is that what you were going to ask?"

"Uhh—"

"Because I can't. It doesn't rhyme. 'Marry Sky'. I heard the Harvest Sprite gig. And I must say that its impossible. Now, if I were to 'Lie to Sky' then that would work. But I couldn't lie to you because I'm already telling you the truth, aren't I? By the way, Sky, did you ever give your bike to that Mike guy?"

"Uhh…mhmph…"

"Because I think that the Mike guy might like my carrot. It looks like a ferret, and I heard he loved ferrets. So that works out, right?"

"Heh…umm…"

"Great. Sorry about the whole marriage deal. Bye, Sky." She waved her carrot at Sky and then went back to tramping through the vegetable garden. Sky looked at the blue feather in his hand, then gave a desperate little sigh that sounded like a cross between a hurricane wind and a wounded lion. He gazed back to the fading figure of Celia, "That was just depressing." He muttered, then went back down the hill.

He spotted Flora at her usual spot, digging up rare and amazingly dull rocks that are worth a fortune. A rare idea came to Sky's head, which was unusual enough on this unusual day. He was Sky the Brave, Sky the Valliant, Sky the Independent! Who was he to take orders from little bitty elves that happened to be evil? He was no mere worm! He would not be squashed!

He avoided being run over by a dust devil and jumped across the river. He threw the blue feather in Flora's face. "Will you marry me?" He stuttered out.

Flora looked at him like, well, most people looked at him. Like he was insane. "Why?" She asked.

"Uhh…because I got a blue feather?" Sky pointed out.

"Yes, what a disgusting thing it is!" Flora jumped back from the feather like it was a poisonous snake. "I can't believe you would do such a thing to me, Sky! I thought we were friends! And then you show that…that…blue…thing to me! I even thought that…someday…we might be…" Her lip quivered, "More than friends," a tear fell in her eye, "But now, that will never happen. I should have known better. Good day to you, Sky!" Holding her head up high, Flora went over to her professor.

Sky looked down at the feather.

Sky looked up at Flora.

Sky looked down at the feather.

Sky looked up at the chicken.

Sky looked down at the feather.

"Okay, that was just really depressing and…disturbing." Sky muttered. Then he shrugged his shoulders and continued going down the hill.

He spotted Nami at the inn, holding a pair of matches and poised to light the fern next to the inn's front door on fire. Just as the fern began to sparkle with glowing red and orange fuzz balls, Sky ran straight through it. But his invulnerable clothes did not catch on fire. "Hey, Nami." Sky said.

"Hey, Sky." Nami replied.

"What's going on?" Sky asked.

"Nothing much. Really. Nothing. You shouldn't be asking me questions like that. You know how dangerous it is!"

"Oh…right…" Sky held out the blue feather. "Will you marry me?"

Nami looked at the feather with wide eyes for a moment, then looked up at Sky. "I told you not to ask me questions like that!" She yelled.

"Oh…oops." Sky kicked the dirt in embarrassment.

Nami patted him on the back. "Ah, it's okay. Don't worry. I forgive you. Get married, huh? Sounds like fun. And if I do that, then I have an excuse not to go on that mis—I mean, to go to Somewhere. So…I might do it."

Sky bent down on one knee and held the feather up to her like a trophy. "Just say yes." He said romantically, "And make me the happiest man alive."

He thought he did pretty good, but Nami just snorted. "Lame." She said. "But I'll say yes, nonetheless. I can't say no. Not with that pretty blue feather you gave me." She took it and twirled it in her hand. Then she took a match and lit it on fire. She watched it burn to cinders and then said, "Okay, let's get married."

Suddenly, there was a great poofing sound and a swirl of magical smoky dust appeared around the two of them. Then Sky mysteriously emerged on top of the hill between his farm and Celia's farm. Every resident of Forget-Me-Not-Valley was there, all waving and crying with joy. Sky was wearing a classy 007 tux while Nami looked no different. A man holding a book came up, said some stuff, and then they were married. Every waved and hollered. Then Lumina ran up to Sky and kicked him hard in the shin. Sky yelped like a girl and held his knee in pain. "What was that for? You're not supposed to touch the man in the tux!" He cried.

"That's what you get! I had a crush on you, you know. And you just go and…get married! This is so unfair!" And then Lumina ran off to find Kill.

Then Daryl came and stood in front of Sky. "Live long and prosper." He said, shook his head, then left.

Sky felt deeply insulted.

A great big bang came out of the blue as Nami sent a whole bunch of gigantic fireworks up into the twilight sky. There was an even bigger bang when they exploded and an even bigger big bang as Nami cried out triumphantly and marveled at the pretty colors. And they were pretty colors indeed, and everyone was pleased.

Finally, the ceremony was over and everyone went home. Sky and Nami walked very dramatically down the hill towards his farm, hand in hand. They went in slow motion and a mysterious song appeared in the air and played endlessly for eternity.

"What now?" Nami asked.

"I dunno. I want a bigger house. Can I get a bigger house now?"

"Sure, I'll build one for you."

"You will?"

"Sure. But it has to be made of wood so that I can burn it down later."

"Sounds good to me."

And they went inside the house. Little did they know, however, that the story was not over. As they disappeared into happiness, Takakura stood outside his front door, watching them.

"Looks like you raised a good boy there." Takakura said to what was supposedly Sky's dad, but that could never be proven by modern science. "Actually managed to do something right, I'm impressed. Still needs to work on his naming skills, though. And in all this time, he never went to the big oak tree by the pond. He thinks he's done. He thinks that he can live in peace now."

Suddenly, in the coming darkness, Takakura's eyes lit up a glowing red. "Too bad the worse is next to come." He laughed maniacally, and walked into the distance.

**To Be Continued…spooky music here**


	16. An Apple a Day

**Chapter Sixteen: An Apple a Day**

"So…Sky?"

"Yeah?"

"We're married."

"I noticed."

"I should call you something."

"Are you trying to insult me or something?"

"No. I mean a code name. We've got to have code names. What should yours be?"

"Umm…how about…blank panther?"

"Dull."

"Yellow Eagle?"

"Even duller."

"How about…Sky?"

"Brilliant! I should have thought of that sooner!"

"Okay. I'm Sky. What's your code name?"

"I don't have a code name, silly. Either call me ma'am…or Nami. Just don't call me honey."

"Sure thing. Yep. No honey here."

"Oh…and Sky?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to have a baby."

A sudden _thump!_ Caused Sky to jump to the Sky. But for once in his unnaturally long life, he did not jump from his bed but rather from the chair in the newly-installed kitchen. The kitchen was by far the coolest addition to his shack, which was no longer a shack but a hovel. The kitchen had the most important thing…food. Lots of it. They had cabbage, and apples, and cobwebs! And there were two doors in the kitchen, leading to two completely separate rooms for going to the bathroom and taking a shower. Sky would rather not recall how he did those things last time.

"What was that?" Sky exclaimed.

"Sorry, Sky, I'm hammering up here." Nami yelled back from the roof.

"Hammering? What was with all the 'thud' stuff?"

"I missed."

"You _missed!_" Sky suddenly felt paranoid. "How could you miss?"

"It's a long story. Better go ahead and feed Pyro his apple. We don't want him hungry."

Sky turned down to the little red-haired boy in blue stripped overalls by his feet. In one year, the baby had mysterious grown to the size of a toddler. He was sitting on the dusty kitchen floor, messing with a cockroach named Bob.

"Save me! Save me!" Bob pleaded.

"Hey, kid." Sky addressed Pyro. "You need to eat your apple."

Pyro looked up at Sky with a frown. "Don' want apple." The toddler complained.

Sky walked over to the refrigerator that magically appeared even though he never paid for it and took out a bright red apple. He brought it over to Pyro. "Now, now, remember what I told you? Eat an apple a day or the doctor comes to play." He handed the apple to Pyro, who took it and proceeded to bang it against the table.

His mission complete, Sky left his shack-turned-hovel and out into a gloriously, ridiculously hot summer day. Apple was wandering around near the chicken coop, trying to eat a chicken with one swallow. Ali, who had mysterious not grown an inch in an entire year, was in the pasture eating.

Sky went up to Ali. "Can I milk you yet?"

Ali went on munching.

"Please?"

Munch, munch.

"Pretty please with a giant cherry and a chainsaw thrown in?"

Munch, munch, munch.

"Fine!" Sky cried, "Reject me!" He folded his arms and stomped over to his non-existent vegetable patch. He kicked some dead pumpkin leaves and smashed some rotten watermelons. The watermelon burst everywhere, covering Sky in red slime.

He sighed and left the farm. He went up the hill to a pretty glade with a pretty pond with pretty flowers surrounding a beautiful tree with a beautiful collection of disgusting mushrooms next to it.

Sky threw a rock in the water. He watched it ripple, then suddenly heard a voice.

"Come closer…"

"Ahh!" Sky jumped back from the pond.

"Come closer…" The voice urged him. Sky was mystified by the pretty voice…calling to him…so pretty…a fairy voice…

"Come closer…"

Sky leaned over the top of the water so that his face was getting sprinkled by the clear blue liquid.

"Yes…that's it…closer…" Sky's nose was an inch from the water.

Out of nowhere, the rock he had thrown into the pond shot out and hit him on the head. Sky yelped and flew backwards. A big knot began to form on his head. Sky glared at the pond, "That wasn't very nice!" Sky complained.

The fish laughed at him.

Sky went back to the farm, grumbling the whole way.

When he got back into his former-shack, Nami was inside looking frantic. She had Pyro in her arms. "Sky! Pyro never ate his apple!" Nami cried in terror.

"What?" Sky looked at the uneaten apple lying on the ground. "But I gave it to him!"

"He never ate it." Nami stroked Pyro's hair, "Now the doctor is going to come and play!"

All at once, the blue sky vanished and was replaced by a dark, nightmarish sky. Thunder rolled through the afternoon, lightening crackled across the sky. Bob the cockroach fell over and died of a heart attack. A fist rammed on the hovel door, shaking the entire foundation.

"He's here!" Nami exclaimed.

"What's happening? What do you mean by 'play'?" Sky yelled over the bellowing sky.

The door was thrown open, and Dr. Hardy stood under the dark sky. Lighting flashed and illuminated his face. In his hand was a doctor's bag. "The doctor is here to play." Dr. Hardy proclaimed.

In unison, the three of them gasped.

Sky looked around for his Secret Compartment of Awesome and Really Extreme Dynamite (SCARED for short) but found it nowhere to be seen. He picked up his stick and held it in a baseball pose. "What do you want?" Sky demanded of the doctor.

Dr. Hardy looked confused. "To play." Dr. Hardy said innocently. He sat down in doctor bag and began to open it.

"Oh no! Don't you use those Deadly and Interesting Experiments (DIE for short) on little Pyro!" Sky yelled.

Dr. Hardy ignored him and extended his hand into the bag. The suspense was terrible. Slowly…Dr. Hardy rustled around in the bag…a vulture flew down and settled on the roof of the hovel…Dr. Hardy moved his hand out of the bag and brought out…

A teddy bear.

"What is that?" Sky asked.

"Teddy!" Dr. Hardy exclaimed and laughed a deep laugh that vague reminded Sky of Frankenstein. "C'mon, let me play with the boy!" The good doctor ran over to Pyro with the teddy bear armed and ready for combat. Outside, the thunder and lightening stopped. The sky cleared and all was bright and miserably sunny again. Dr. Hardy was about to launch the teddy bear at Pyro, but then abruptly stopped, "Hey…something isn't right here." Dr. Hardy's big eyes looked down at Pyro. "We have a serious issue here." Dr. Hardy said. "Your son has been diagnosed with Noafunophobia."

"Geseundheit?"

"It's quite similar to your Silliophobia, Sky." Dr. Hardy pointed out.

"I do NOT have Silliophobia!" Sky disagreed, folding his arms firmly.

Dr. Hardy threw the teddy bear in front of Sky. Sky quickly scampered away from the teddy bear like it was an infectious disease. He ran over and cowered in the corner near Nami. He would protect her.

"I stand by my statement." Dr. Hardy said with satisfactory. "You have Silliophobia, and your son has Noafunophobia."  
"And what is that?" Nami asked. "Does it burn?"

"If it is not treated in time, yes." Dr. Hardy said. "Noafunophobia is the fear of not having fun. And your son is a major victim."

By their feet, Pyro began blowing bubbles.

"What should we do about it?" Nami asked.

"If it's medicine, then you can forget it!" Sky said from his cowering position in the corner.

"No, thankfully, the cure for this phobia is fun."

"Pyro has fun all the time!"

"And yet I do not see any toys here in this shack." Dr. Hardy looked around the hovel.

"We'll get him some then." Nami said.

"Good, because I cannot play until your son has toys too. I shall return when his Noafunophobia is cured. Farewell." Dr. Hardy saluted them and left the hovel.

Nami turned to Sky, who was slowly getting to his feet. "You heard the good doctor." Nami said. "Go and get Pyro something from Van. He can play with some matches, okay?"

"Uhh…sure." Sky said, scratching his head.

He stood there, scratching his head for a moment, and then Nami shoved him out the door. "Go on, quickly!" She slammed the door shut behind him.


End file.
